my relationship advice column is out!

does 'happy wife = happy life'?

Sep 21, 2025

It’s official: my relationship advice column for Yahoo! Canada is now live.

It’s called Romance, Redefined, focused on those 40 and over who are seeking advice for their relationship and dating woes.

I look ready to give you some tough love (with some warmth and wit!)

I’m really excited to put all my dating knowledge and wisdom, and intuition, to good use for other people’s love lives — even if I don’t always take my own advice (but I’m working on that, I swear).

I’ll admit the first question we received was pretty heavy, but I think its theme is something we can all relate to: when do you know it’s time to leave a relationship?

Read below for a sample of my advice.

Dear One Foot Out The Door,

Let’s start with “Happy wife, happy life.”

On the surface, it sounds simple. But like most platitudes, it’s kind of meaningless — and maybe even a little dangerous. Curious about where it came from, I did some research. Turns out, it first showed up in a 1903 nursery rhyme. Then, somehow, it popped up again in a 1958 real estate ad in Abilene, Texas. By the 1990s, it had somehow become common relationship advice that a husband's happiness depends entirely on his wife’s mood. Yikes.

Here’s the problem: When wisdom seems ripped from a cross-stitch pillow or Pinterest board, it’s probably not the best marital advice. The phrase basically tells you to keep quiet, give in and never question what you need — or what your partner needs. Not exactly the recipe for a happy life.

Now, let’s talk about you and your wife.

You say she wasn’t always “in charge” or judgmental of others, and it sounds like she’s changed over time. I can’t help but wonder: When did that start? Was there a conversation about it? Or did it just creep in slowly? Life’s rarely what it looks like on the surface, and how we cope — especially the messy, negative stuff — often runs way deeper than we realize. Why does she seem so unhappy? Have you ever asked what’s been bothering her? What changed for her? You might not see it this way, but happy people usually don’t act like this.

You’ve stuck it out and kept the peace. I get it. Living with an unhappy person is hard work. Keeping the peace might be your default mode. Have you told her how her moods or behaviour affect you? If you haven’t, that’s OK. Those can be intimidating conversations, especially if you're not used to expressing your feelings.

Have you ever tried — or thought of trying — couples therapy? And if not, why not? Maybe you’re exhausted. Maybe you’re not sure how to even broach that topic. Maybe you’d feel embarrassed because you’ve never done it before. That’s OK too. Most of us just stumble along, repeating the same patterns in relationships. And our partners? They often do the same. Which is we're where you’re at now: On the brink of a breakup.

Relationship experts Drs. John and Julie Gottman call the biggest culprits of divorce the “Four Horsemen”: Criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. While it may sound dramatic, they sneak into life in tiny ways: A sarcastic jab, an eye roll, shutting down mid-conversation. Left unchecked, those tiny things pile up. Habits become walls. And walls become grounds for divorce.

Are the shifts you’ve noticed in her — and maybe in yourself — tied to these horsemen? If so, it’s not about blame. It’s about awareness. Once you see the cycle, you have the option to step off the hamster wheel. You don’t have to live like this forever.

Read the rest of my advice here.

Also, if you have questions about dating over 40, marriage, divorce or anything else, I want to hear from you. Send your emails to relationship-questions@yahooinc.com and your question could be featured in an upcoming article on the site.

I’m curious too: If I were to do a little advice column on Substack, featuring some of your questions, and maybe questions that didn’t get answered, would you be interested in that?

As always, thanks for being here! And thanks for your support.

Love, Brie xoxo