perimenopause & pleasure with Natasha Marie Narkiewicz

Is this perimenopause...or is it just me?

I’ve written about dating, desire, and modern love for years — and I’m not shy about the fact that I still want to have a vibrant, sexy life in my 40s and beyond. But lately, my body’s been giving me mixed signals. One month, my period is early. The next, it’s ghosting me. I’ve noticed weight gain around the middle (hello, hormonal bloat), mood swings that come out of nowhere, and a kind of emotional heaviness I can't quite shake around my cycle.

Then, it hit me: Is this perimenopause?

Only recently have we started openly talking about perimenopause and menopause publicly (thank you Oprah and Naomi Watts and Halle Berry) but we still have a way to go. Even in my own life, I’ve just started sharing perimenopausal symptoms with my closest girlfriends. I’m glad we’re beginning to talk about what every woman struggles with, but I know we can do more.

I can do more.

So I wanted to write about it.

This two-part series dives into the hormonal rollercoaster that is perimenopause and menopause with a focus on something we don’t talk about nearly enough: libido and sexual wellness. Because despite what society wants us to believe, turning 40 doesn’t mean we fade into the background. It doesn’t mean our sex lives are over. And it definitely doesn’t mean we stop feeling desirable, curious, or connected to pleasure.

I believe this chapter can be just as empowered and sexy as any other, but we need better conversations, and way less shame.

So I called in the experts:

In today’s Part One, I talk to Natasha Marie Narkiewicz, Head of Communications at MysteryVibe, about what actually happens to your sex life in perimenopause — from changes in libido to how we can support our pleasure during a time when our hormones are anything but predictable.

In Part Two, I chat with Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, sociologist, sexologist, and intimacy coach (and resident sex expert at pjur), to talk about what happens next: menopause. We dig into how our desires shift (or don’t), how to stay connected to our bodies, and why pleasure doesn’t have to end — even if your period does.

Because this is your reminder, to my women friends: you’re not broken. You’re evolving. And your sex life doesn’t need to be a casualty of that evolution.

Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash

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Today, we’re kicking things off with perimenopause, and what it really means for your sex life, your body, and your sense of self.

Spoiler: pleasure isn’t over. It’s just getting a makeover.

I asked Natasha some honest questions about what really happens to your libido during this transition, and how to keep your sex life vibrant, curious, and very much alive.

Why has perimenopause and its impact on intimacy and sexuality been such a taboo subject for so long, and why is it becoming more important to talk about now?

Society and the medical community have historically overlooked women’s health issues, leading to a lack of data and research incentives on perimenopause and intimacy. Combined with cultural ideals that glorify youth and reproduction, women’s health was seen as less valuable once beyond reproductive age. And the unnecessary veil of shame that stigmatized common symptoms of perimenopause, such as vaginal dryness, atrophy, painful sex, and prevented people from speaking up about them. Thankfully, with new cultural attitudes and women becoming their own advocates increased awareness is now shifting this perspective.

How does perimenopause affect libido and sexual desire, and why is it different for every woman?

Perimenopause can have a profound impact on libido and sexual desire due to the natural decline in estrogen levels. As hormone levels shift, many women experience physical changes that can affect their relationship with pleasure, such as reduced natural lubrication, diminished sensitivity, and thinning or atrophied vaginal tissue. These changes can make sex or masturbation feel uncomfortable, and that discomfort can understandably affect desire.

However, each woman's experience is unique because factors like overall health, stress levels, emotional well-being, relationship dynamics, and personal attitudes toward sexuality also play significant roles. The interplay of these elements shapes how perimenopause affects sexual desire differently for every woman.

Why is there still a lack of research on the effects of perimenopause on sexual health, and how can increased awareness and funding contribute to better understanding?

Sexism in medicine and persistent stigma around aging and women's health have historically led to women's concerns being overlooked or dismissed. Despite women holding the majority of chronic illnesses, many still report doctors minimizing their symptoms as simply "part of being a woman."

It all starts with education. Increasing awareness on every level, including in medical schools and high schools, can lead to a better understanding and future generations working to dismantle age-old stigma. Only with awareness and education will funding follow.

How can women talk to their partners about the changes in their libido and sexual experiences during perimenopause without feeling ashamed or misunderstood?

There's nothing to be ashamed about. Everything that happens is natural, and every woman will experience this phase in some capacity - so remember, you're in good company with more than 50% of the global population. It’s important to keep in mind that our desire isn’t a switch that you can just flip on and off - in men and women. Release any expectations or pressure you may have on yourself to perform like a machine and magically get in the mood on command. That’s a myth. Desire and libido are nuanced, shaped by everything from stress and hormones to relationship dynamics. The most important thing is to create a space where both of you can be honest, curious, and nonjudgmental.

Communicate clearly how perimenopause affects your body, sensations, and desires can help your partner better understand your experience. Try reframing these changes as a fun challenge to tackle together - turning potential problems into opportunities to explore new sensations, experiences, and intimacy tools, like MysteryVibe’s vibrators designed specifically to enhance arousal and pleasure during menopause and perimenopause.

What are some practical steps women can take to feel desirable and confident in their sexuality as they navigate perimenopause?

Start with patience. Arousal might take longer during perimenopause, and that's completely normal. Give yourself permission to explore without rushing or expecting immediate results.

Techniques like sensate focus can help. This involves slowing down and paying close attention to sensations of touch, warmth, pressure, texture, without the goal of orgasm. It helps you stay present, discover what feels good, and improves overall sexual responsiveness.

Pleasure mapping is another powerful tool. Explore your body using different kinds of touch, soft, firm, circular, or tapping, and notice how each area responds. Pay attention to both classic erogenous zones and unexpected areas like your neck, inner thighs, or lower back, anywhere that sparks sensation. Communicating openly with a partner throughout this process can strengthen intimacy and transform pleasure into a shared, playful discovery.

Shift your focus to what you appreciate about your body. Instead of fixating on a slower arousal response or cellulite, intentionally identify qualities you feel good about.

Above all, show yourself compassion and grace. If your body doesn't respond how it used to, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong. Let go of old expectations and embrace the idea that pleasure doesn't have to look or feel a certain way, because it doesn't.

How can couples foster a more supportive and open conversation about intimacy during perimenopause, and what are the potential benefits of doing so?