is today valentine's day?
or just another day in february?
Of course I know today is Valentine’s Day. Social media and my local drug store won’t let me forget it. Everywhere you go/scroll — we’re inundated with red, pink, white, chocolate, teddy bears, cupid, hearts, and a feeling of…FOMO. Especially if you’re single.
I was once called ‘single girl’s single girl’ so I feel a little compelled to comment on this love-filled day. That, and my Substack is called LOVE, Brie.
I could go on here and prescribe what to do if you’re feeling lonely. I could write about my 2021 Valentine’s Day plans in which I dressed in red, ordered myself a bouquet of roses, made my favourite dish, and watched my fave rom-com.
But everyone is doing that.
And, honestly? I don’t know if that helps. Maybe it does? However, that sort of stuff is all external validation, quick dopamine hits. I’m all about creating new traditions, and romanticizing our little lives on a daily basis (not just on a consumer commercial holiday). But what I think we’re all striving to feel on a day like today — or any day, really — is the feeling that we are loved and wanted in this world.
This is a basic human need and desire. Even the most avoidant of avoidants want to feel loved and wanted by another.
The thing is, and the thing that I have been actively healing for a long time, and still am, is that love is a feeling we create from within. It’s not something that anyone can give to us if we don’t already feel that from ourselves, first.
Yes, feeling loved by another is amazing. To be taken care of, supported, desired, cherished? Who doesn't want that? And you absolutely deserve it!
But let's not forget: Love isn't something out there. It's in you, available every single day. Feeling needy? Lonely? You've just forgotten your own power. You are love. You can create it, choose it, feel it, whenever you want.
“Falling” in love is just you unlocking the love that's already inside. It’s why we get so attached with those heady feelings of desire and lust and playfulness and joy. It’s not so much about what that other person is doing — it’s that they are simply bringing forward those feelings we already have. And the thing is, we can choose to feel those feelings anytime we want! You're projecting those feelings onto someone, and that's why it feels so good! It's not them—they're just a mirror. The secret? You can be your own mirror!
I get it. Valentine's Day used to suck (especially when my ex pulled the ultimate breakup move on this day). But honestly? It's just another day. And you get to decide what it means—just like you decide what your life means
If you’re single, don’t cave into the feeling of “not good enough” today. Don’t scramble to make plans with your besties, or do an “everything shower” to make yourself feel better. You don’t even have to masturbate. I mean, you can if you want — especially, and only, if it comes from a genuine place of pleasure.
My point is, don’t trick yourself into feeling that you need to do anything today to prove your worthiness of love.
The irony is, being in a relationship is even trickier. We think a partner will fix us, but so many relationships are a mess. I'm not hating on relationships, but let's be real: they're hard.
Connecting with another person takes work—vulnerability, tenderness, showing the parts we think are unlovable. We twist ourselves into knots because we crave that other person's love and acceptance. But here's the kicker: you're already lovable. Don't forget that.
But, Brie, how do I believe that when I don’t feel it?
Girl, same. I struggle with this, and all of the above too. Lately, I’ve been reminding myself of all my blessings and, mostly, that I get to create the life I want. No, we might not be able to “choose” when someone falls in love with us and partners with us, but we can choose to fall in love with ourselves today.
I wrote about “falling in love with ourselves” this summer, and it’s something that I keep coming back to. Finding the small pleasures, enjoying my own company, staying present, believing in a higher power. This is what helps me when my anxiety and old wounds trigger me.
Love is most definitely a trip, and so is this fucking day. Don’t let it mess with you forgetting who you are: a big old squishy ball of love that deserves your highest respect and reverence.
Happy February 14th! May this day be just as amazing as any other day.
Love, Brie xoxo
