Last year I wrote about booking my first commercial at 40.
Well, I finally have proof!
I wanted to be an actress since I was 13 years old. I planned my life around it. I specifically applied to only one school — NYU — to make it happen (or so I though and hoped).
I didn’t book one acting job.
Then, a few years later, after I graduated with a degree that didn’t land me anywhere closer to booking an acting job, or any job for that matter, I attended Lee Strasberg to further my acting studies.
I didn’t book one acting job.
Instead I waitressed at, like, ten different restaurants in 18 months and then writing came along in the form of playwriting, and, then these plays soon turned in articles that soon turned into books, and well, here I am. A writer.
Don’t get me wrong. I love writing. I’ve always loved writing. Not to mention I am one of those annoying people who believes that everything happens for a reason, so I know my journey was always about taking the path of a writer not as an actor.
Then at 38, I realized my dreams about acting were still unrealized. So a few months before turning 39, I got an agent. Then I booked my first commercial at 40. And now I have the proof!
So how do I feel?
Mostly amazing. One friend told me she was proud of me for not just talking about doing something, but actually following through with it. And that feels true. I am proud of myself for following my heart and going for it, regardless of my age.
Because here’s the thing: for the longest time I thought if I didn’t “make it” by 25 (which, at the time, meant winning an Oscar, starring alongside Ben Affleck and Matt Damon in some critically acclaimed indie dramedy, and landing the cover of Vanity Fair — you know, a pretty attainable level of success) I was a failure.
So when I wasn’t booking any auditions in my 20s, and when acting seemed really, really hard, I thought it wasn’t meant to be.
And yet… in my heart, I still longed to be that actor I imagined myself to be as a young girl. I just didn’t know how or when or IF it was ever going to happen for me.
I think we can all relate to that feeling. That our dreams aren’t worth pursuing past a certain age. That the thing we want most in life to experience is nothing but a pipe dream with an expiration date.
Now I know that’s simply not true.
It’s not about hitting certain markers by a certain age. It’s about how something makes you feel, and how much you desire — and BELIEVE — it’s yours to experience.
Since I booked the aforementioned commercial, I booked another gig, have been on numerous auditions, and even recently had a callback for a principal role in an independent film.
The feeling that I have when it comes to acting is, well, joy. It makes me happy. It’s fun! It’s like a return home to myself. And, man, how I wish I hung onto that feeling when I was struggling in my 20s. I wish I believed enough in that feeling, in myself, to keep going.
But here we are. And I don’t believe in regrets. So now I’ve been thinking maybe pursuing acting didn’t happen in my 20s for a variety of reasons (rediscovering writing, avoiding Harvey Weinstein, etc) and also because it taught me one of the most valuable lessons of all…
That it’s never too late to follow a dream.
Maybe we all need to be reminded that the things we hold most dear, the things that excite us, are always within us…and that’s never too late to claim them again.
Where this new foray into acting might lead me is anyone’s guess, but for now I’ll enjoy it and remind myself (and you) that age is nothing but a silly constraint we place on ourselves that inevitably stops us from doing what we want — or at least trying for it.
Don’t let it.
Thanks for being here!
Love, Brie
Is there a dream that you still want to pursue?! Leave a comment and share.
Congratulations! Very inspiring essay.
Amazing! Congrats, and I totally agree. The milestone is so minor compared to the joy!