how to make the most of single girl summer?
i'll try to explain
A little while ago I was asked to weigh in on an article called: “X Ways To Make The Most Out Of Single Girl Summer, According to Experts.”
First of all, I was honoured to be considered an expert on the subject. Well, actually I was honoured to be considered an expert on anything. But being an expert on “single girl summer” really wet my whistle, mostly because I feel like it’s my duty in life, as a 41-year-old single woman, to help women embrace their singleness. *cough* why I created this newsletter and my podcast *cough*
Annnndddd I felt this was the opportunity to really put my feelings to paper about what I think single girl summer ought to be, aka I’m not talking Aperol Spritzes on a patio wearing a cute sundress, hoping to get noticed by a 6’5” blue-eyed finance douche. No, I’m talking about some deep healing, self-awareness shit. Because as much as it’s fun and fine to bang a gargantuan frat boy who can talk your ear off about “investors fleeing the market” (honestly I had to Google that because I have no idea what people in finance talk about…do they talk about things other than money and status? Asking for a friend), I think it’s also important to stop treating your singlehood like it’s a prison sentence and instead see it as an opportunity to get to know yourself and have some fun with YOU.
So, big surprise, your girl went DEEP and HARD with the questions that were emailed to me by the writer. I had STUFF TO SAY! I had quotes that were suited for bumpers stickers! I had a MISSION TO FULFILL!
Not surprisingly…most of my quotes weren’t used. And I say this in part because, as a fellow freelance writer, I know what it’s like to compose an article and edit quotes and use what only you need in order to stay true to the nature of the piece and publication. And also because I know it was a little naive to think that my PARAGRAPHS of advice would be used for an 800-word article.
But, as I said, I was psyched to even be asked AND BOY DID I HAVE THINGS TO SHARE! And, honestly, I wanted to say things that were less generic and more substantial. Like I said, I’m trying to CHANGE LIVES HERE!
So….in light of my words not seeing the light of day, I have included the copy of what I originally wrote to the writer. Below, illustrates what I truly believe women should do in order to make the most out of “single girl summer.” Hint: STAY SINGLE!
ENJOY! (and I encourage you to play “Espresso” while you read…it’s definitely the “single girl summer” anthem.)
How can someone make the most out of summer as a single girl?
I think a couple things can help make the most out of summer as a single girl. First, celebrate your single status. Many single girls can feel less than when they don't have a partner or love interest, especially when we head into the warmer months and we can't help but see couples everywhere. But understanding that this is your most powerful time as a woman can make "single girl summer" feel exciting. Being single doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. In fact, I don't think enough girls stay single as long as they should. Because being single means you get to be in a relationship with yourself and that's the most beautiful relationship of all. So whether you're choosing to be single or you were recently broken up with, I think it's important to know this is an important period of your life that can be both healing and fun. Flip the script! It's not that you are single, it's that you get to be single! And that's a good time!
Second, this is a potent time to be with yourself and determine what life gets to look like and feel like. So decide what you want to experience for yourself at this time. I wouldn't necessarily make "single girl summer" all about finding a new partner, either. Sure, having a fling or dating can be part of it, but if that's typically your go-to post-breakup, I would think differently this time around and not prioritize it. Instead I would be curious about who YOU are without a partner? What are the fun things that you want to do FOR YOU? What are things that you want to learn about yourself? Are there things you always wanted to try but haven't yet? I think prioritizing your desires and happiness helps put the focus back onto you so you can feel confident knowing that you're going to live your best life, with or without a partner.
Thirdly, I would get in touch with my feelings. Feelings determine our vibes and I think our vibe helps us determine what we're actually in the mood for, so we're not forcing ourselves to do things we don't want to do. Because doing things that don't feel like us isn't the vibe. So ask yourself: how are you really feeling this summer? Again, this is a time to get honest and personal with yourself.
For example, you might feel like you're in a soft girl era. So maybe that means you're more inclined to wear pretty dresses, have picnics with your best friends, read books by the beach, spend time in nature, and be in bed by ten. Cool!
Or maybe you're feeling like you're in your hot girl era, so you're keen to work out in the morning, hit the beach in your sexiest bikini, stay up late dancing, and flirt like crazy. Again, cool! It really doesn't matter what era you're in. The important thing is to honor how you're feeling and be true to your vibe, and make the most of it. "Single girl summer" is going to look and feel different for every girl, and that's totally okay.
What are some activities all the single ladies should try to make the most out of the season?
As I mentioned above, I think it's important to determine what activities feel like you, and what you're most excited to try. One summer I made a list of all the things I wanted to try over the summer, whether that meant going paddle boarding, going to the movies with a friend, or going for a hike, so I think making a bucket list of your summer activities is a fun thing to do at the beginning of the season. You can make one for yourself, and you can make another one that you will do with your friends.
Because that's another crucial point of single girl summer: I think solo activities are empowering and crucial for self-development and self-awareness, but I also think it's so important to make time for community as a single girl. You definitely need your best friends around you, or at least a few trusted people around you, to connect with and have fun with as a single person. Finding the balance of alone time and being with your friends is key.
Examples of solo activities can include: paddle boarding, reading on the beach, going for a walk in your favorite neighborhood, going to your favorite cafe for coffee, people watching at the park, going to a yoga class, trying a dance class, being a tourist in your own city.
Examples of activities with friends can include: TENNIS, swimming, pool parties, going on a road trip, hiking and camping, hitting up a dance club, brunch on a patio, canoeing/kayaking, attending local street festivals, movie night.
A side note: I also always think it's fun to try something you've never done before!
What are your tips for having a one-night stand?
One-night stands can be fun...if you know yourself. Are you someone who can handle a one-night? Some people -- I would say many women -- can't. Because sex tends to be more emotional for us. But that being said some can handle it well! So my first tip would be to ask yourself: are you someone who needs an emotional connection to have sex? Are you okay with never seeing this person again? Are you really into having a one-night stand or are you looking for a deeper connection? Sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking we want something casual when we're actually looking for something more.
Second: Be on the same page with your sexual partner. Make sure you're both looking for the same thing. Communicate what you're looking for and ask them the same. Let's not forget honesty is sexy! And so is communication. Don't be afraid to be straight up with a person and don't be afraid to ask the important questions! We don't want complicated.
Third: Use protection. Always. I don't care if you're in a bathroom in a bar, use protection.
Fourth: If you're going to have a one-night stand, you want it to be hot. So, again, communicate. Strangers don't know each other's bodies well so communicate how you want to be touched, what turns you on, what feels good. If you're going to do it, do it right.
Should single girls embrace having a summer fling without feelings?
I think it depends on the person and where you're at in your life. Sometimes we don't want a fling because we just want to be alone and enjoy our single-ness, and that's okay. Other times we don't want a fling because we're looking for a relationship, and that's okay too. Or maybe you're someone who doesn't want a fling without feelings, period, because you're a sensitive girl who feels all the feels! And guess what? That's okay too! Or maybe you're someone who didn't want a summer fling without feelings but now you're like, "Okay, I want to try that now!" If that feels true to who you are and what you're looking for in this moment, then go for it. The point is, I don't think anyone "should" do anything that doesn't feel congruent with who they are. I don't think there is a wrong or right way to approach any type of connection except if we're not honoring our truth.
Should you embrace a fling without feelings? Only if you know based on your history that is something that you can do and want to do. But let's not underestimate or overestimate feelings. Feelings are great. I think we should have feelings for everything! Feelings mean we care, and what's so wrong about caring? If you're scared of catching feelings, then maybe that's a sign you're not ready for a fling. How about we embrace knowing that you're someone who develops feelings easily and so you have to say no to a fling and then use your vibrator instead?
Now that's making the most of "single girl summer"!
If you’re curious about the article in question, you can read it here.
Speaking of single girl summer, I’m looking forward to having one myself. I’ll be sharing my own plans/thoughts for the summer in my next newsletter.
Until then…I hope you’re enjoying the warmer weather, and now the ear worm that is “Espresso.”
Thanks for being here!
Love, Brie
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I had a whackadoodle ton of crazy health stuff come up over the last few years while I’ve been single and living alone, and I share my tips on how I’ve been able to cope on this week’s episode. It’s not always easy to be sick while single when we want nothing more than someone there to be take care of us…but WE CAN TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES!! (and, also, sometimes husbands/wives are assholes anyway and really don’t care if you’re sick with cancer because people suck regardless of marital status. Think I’m lying? Listen to this episode about divorce and narcissism with Nicole Christie.)
