casually dating, not drinking, and life lately
a little catch-up from me!
Hello from my desk where I am currently sitting in sweaty clothes after a tennis lesson. I told myself I would shower immediately when I got home, but for whatever reason, I like writing when I’m dirty. I feel like a shower kills momentum, and when I feel the urge to write, I try to heed the call before it disappears and I suddenly decide I need to reorganize my closet instead.
Anyway. Speaking of writing.
This is pretty much what I’ve been doing for the last five months, and why I haven’t been posting here as regularly as I usually do. Remember last year when I was funemployed and posting three times a week? Honestly, kind of iconic in hindsight. Also…how did I do that? WILD. Thank you if you survived that era with me.
So I’ve been working on my second manuscript, and I genuinely just did not have the bandwidth to write here, write a book on deadline, and freelance without my wrists threatening legal action against me. There’s only so much carpal tunnel and bad posture I’m willing to endure for the craft.
But! The manuscript has officially been handed off to my agent for the second round of edits (shout out Claire), and we’re hoping to send it out to editors around June-ish, which feels both exciting and nerve-wrecking. Honestly, though, I’m pretty good at “out of sight, out of mind” type of thing (if only that were the thing for my exes back in the day).
You might also remember that I had another manuscript out on submission last summer. I haven’t heard much about that one, which unfortunately is just the publishing industry. So now I’m debating whether I might eventually self-publish it here for paid subscribers, à la the growing Substack novelist pipeline.
Honestly, I really loved writing that story. It’s a rom-com with tennis and an age-gap relationship, so obviously completely fictional and not inspired by my real life whatsoever (lol). But I’d still really love for people to read it someday.
As for dating: I have actually gone on some dates recently.
It’s funny — the second I publicly announced that I hadn’t been on a date in six months, the Universe immediately went “well actually.” One of those karmic catch-22 situations.
I even briefly returned to Bumble, which felt a little like revisiting an ex you already know is wrong for you. Bumble still sucks, by the way. I think I’m officially ready to call it and remain loyal to Hinge, toxic as that relationship may also be.
Since I feel that I haven’t touched base with you in a while, I thought I’d do a little roundup of eight things that I’m really enjoying lately.
guys who skip small talk and ask me out
I mentioned this before on TikTok and some women were like, “no, i need a little small talk to know if I want to spend an hour of my evening with this guy” and i get that, but i also think small talk on the apps is such a drain. It really does nothing for me. I appreciate when a guy is just like, “Hey, you want to meet up for a drink?” That’s just connection and I honestly don’t see it as a waste of time. I think texting a stranger for hours — who might not even want to meet up with me!! — is the bigger time suck. Cut to the freaking chase!
skincare
Girl, I’m 43. And I’m noticing changes, including my skin being drier and just not as bouncy or glowy as before (even though a guy the other week said I looked like I was 30 “tops”). Flex. I’m probably my harshest critic here. But I’ve been diving into skincare needs at this age and apparently it’s all about skin barrier and ceramides, and keeping to the basics, etc. I thought I was already doing the bare minimum since I barely wear makeup, but $200 later at Sephora, and I have a new skin regimen. Wish me luck!
these Lululemon pants
Obviously I’m not an affiliate. HAHA I WISH! But I love them, and I just like comfy, cozy pants that aren’t leggings and aren’t shorts, and they seem like a breezy, chic alternative for the summer and who are you if you don’t wear Lulu in Vancouver?
watching Suits
Yes, I know — this isn’t 2021. I’m late to the “obsessed with Suits” era. But I am obsessed with Suits. I’m not the biggest Meghan Markle fan (let’s not get into it, but I’m here for the Royal gossip, is all I’ll say) but I like her on the show. Rachel and Mike 4ever, right? And omg HARVEY? I think I have a new type: cocky, handsome douchebag who’s actually very good at his job (haha is that new?). Anyway, I’m only on season 2, so I have a long way to go….
stretching before bedtime
Again, I’m 43. And I’m a writer. And I was still ASTOUNDED to hear I have bad posture from a physiotherapist. This after she diagnosed my sore shoulder from actually having a weak upper back due to sitting down all day and poor posture (yes, I’m sitting up straight as I write this). So now I stretch everyday, I have a new nighttime routine that consists on ginger tea, a heating pad, and 15 minutes of neck and shoulder stretching before I watch…Suits.
not drinking
Not that I was ever a big drinker, but I did love wine. A lot. At one point I worked at a wine store and I learned a lot about wine, and it’s still my go-to (other than a dirty martini), but I haven’t really drank a lot since January. I wouldn’t say I’m sober, but I can probably count on one hand the number of drinks I’ve had over the last five months — mostly going out to see friends or on dates — and I don’t drink at home anymore. Some of that is related to being over 40 and taking care of myself and my hormones, and the other part is…I just don’t care?
playing pickleball
I joined a rec league last week just for funsies and honestly had a lot of fun. I think tennis will always be my first love, but I definitely get the appeal of pickleball for the social aspect alone. It feels less intense, a little more chaotic, and like a good way to trick yourself into doing cardio.
Also my mom keeps reminding me that racquet sports are apparently great for preventing Alzheimer’s and helping with healthy aging, which makes me feel approximately 100 years old (even if supposedly I look 30 “tops”). But honestly? I guess that’s just even more reason to play.
casually dating
I think I’ll write a longer piece about this soon, but lately I’ve really been liking the idea — and practice — of casually dating. And yes, having a roster. Not in a gross “high rotation of men” kind of way, but more in the sense of being open to being courted by different people, meeting them, getting to know them, and seeing where things go.
Previously, I approached dating with this mindset that I had to be extremely intentional all the time. And while I do still want a relationship eventually, I actually think casually dating has been healthier for me in a lot of ways. There’s less pressure, less fantasizing, less attaching too quickly to potential.
It also reminds me that there are plenty of fish in the sea — which feels huge for someone who used to fixate on one man at a time to her own detriment.
That’s it for me! But I’ll be back next week with another newsletter, and hopefully something more regular! As I mentioned before, I’d love to start doing some Substacl lives and having my own advice column here, and also I’m toying with the idea of being more hands-on when it comes to dating. Like, maybe helping you out with your dating profiles? (Because, fellas, you need the help!).
Thanks for being here!
Love, Brie xoxo
P.S. Let me know what you think of my list! Do you agree? Are you also playing Pickleball?
Great read! My biggest change was no more drinking and it has drastically changed my life!🙏🏻😉
Loved this!