be your own thirst trap
this is how we start to love ourselves
Remember when I said we would start loving ourselves a little more this summer?
Well, maybe the “we” is a bit presumptuous. But I don’t think it’s a stretch to imagine that we would all love to love ourselves more, so why not get on board with me and try it out?
As I mentioned in last week’s email, I’ll be sending out little love notes with prompts and questions each week starting today for the next six weeks.
And today’s first prompt: be your own thirst trap.
Why? Here’s my thinking: when we fall for people, we typically fall for how hot we think they are (with the exception of John B. from summer camp, whose appearance I once likened to a smoosh faced cat, came to “grow on me” as time went by. It didn’t hurt that he was a really good tennis player).
Anyway. The thing is, we’re all shallow people, and that’s fine! That’s normal! We all have our ‘things’ when we meet someone that curls our toes. That’s called attraction. I usually am a sucker for a guy’s smile and his forearms. Omg, a good, thick forearm will have me do crazy things, like linger longer in a situationship that’s mentally and emotionally unacceptable for my self-worth! (“Does he call you back?” “Not for days. But the way his forearm bulges when he grips a can opener? HUBBA HUBBA!”)
Anyway. We’re animals. And we’ve all been there. Someone’s crooked smile or piercing blue eyes will make their way deep into your psyche (and loins) keeping you up at night as you conjure up all sorts of ways to do fun things to their body. This is often the beginning of great love stories! We don’t want to admit that we’re all horny for each other right away (“No, I swear, I love you for your personality”) but we are. This is why we agree to go on that first date. And that second date…and that third date at his house even if you promised you wouldn’t go there this time. But we can’t help it! We think the person we’re in love with (or at least falling for) is the hottest person alive.
And this is how I want you to see yourself.
You’re the thirst trap.
I know. This is hard when we don’t like how we look in the mirror. Or maybe you don’t even look at yourself in the mirror that much because you’re like “meh, nothing I haven’t seen before.”
Even if we’re told we’re pretty or handsome by others, and even if we actually like some things about ourselves, typically we don’t like ALL the things we see. Especially if, like me, you’re so quick to criticize yourself when you glance in the mirror. For instance, I like my eyes. I think I have really beautiful eyes. But I don’t like my crooked bottom teeth. And I don’t love my thighs. And sometimes I get mad at my stomach when it’s bloated. And don’t even get me started on my feet. Your girl’s got some fugly, high-arched, gangly feet (and now a big toe without a nail).
OK STOP THIS! We’re not doing this to ourselves anymore. Or at least for the next week (and hopefully longer after that). For this week, I want us to think we’re the hottest thing we’ve ever seen. We’re going to swipe right on ourselves. We are going to think we are Brad Pitt (or whoever else you think is hot, but isn’t he still universally the hottest creature alive?).
A big part of loving ourselves is loving our bodies; the precious vessel that we’ve been blessed with to carry us through this journey of life. You are so lucky to have your body! You’re so lucky to look the way you look because no one else in the world looks like you! And knowing this and appreciating this is a big start of the “loving you a little more” this summer.
So here’s the homework:
As soon as you wake up, look at yourself in the mirror, look into your eyes (I mean it! LOOK INTO YOUR EYES) and say, “I love you.” (This is from the GOAT Louise L. Hay and it’s powerful stuff. Awkward? Yes. But that’s because we’re not taught to love ourselves, guys!)
Same goes whenever you pass a mirror and you catch your reflection — you HAVE to tell yourself that you look amazing! I don’t care if you’re red in the face, drenched with sweat after putting out the garbage, you have to do it! Give yourself ONE compliment. And if you dare say something negative, you have to say TWO compliments about your body.
In a journal, write out what you don’t like about your body/appearance. For every criticism you’re telling yourself about your appearance, whether it’s like, “I wish I…” or “I don’t like…”, replace it with “I am grateful for…”
For example, I wish my thighs were more toned…but I am grateful for my legs because they help me walk and run and play tennis.
Each night read back what you wrote in your journal and what you’re grateful about your body…and keep adding to the list if need be! The point is to get rid of the junk in your mind and replace it with something good about your body!
In a journal, write out what you DO like about your body/appearance. What’s your favourite feature? What about your body do you think is attractive? Don’t just write, “I like my eyes.” Be descriptive. Give yourself props. “I like my eyes because I think they’re so mesmerizing! I can stop traffic with my eyes.” Be dramatic with the compliments! Why not?! The point is, we want to teach ourselves (and our brain) that we know, and believe, we’re hot AF.
Each morning read back what you wrote in your journal and repeat out loud! Yes, it’s going to sound funny talking about yourself like that, but, again, we’re not conditioned to compliment ourselves like this — and we should!
Lastly. Take a thirst trap selfie. I know — this could get awkward because it all seems so vain and so self-indulgent, right? But why? If you’re feeling yourself, then you should document that shit! Why do we think we need to diminish the fact that we think we look attractive? It’s not uncouth or arrogant — it’s called confidence and loving yourself. Yes, there’s a dickhead way of doing it (shirtless bathroom photos promoting the gun show, come to mind, so do those duck lips selfies of yesteryear) BUT, I’ll also say that if that’s how you show yourself LOVE, then have at it!
There was a lovely trend on TikTok recently “I took a Selfie whenever I felt Pretty,” which I think exemplifies how liberating and healthy it is to not only document when you felt pretty, but to admit it both to ourselves and publicly — something we don’t typically believe, at least from my generation, we’re allowed to do. Well, I’m giving you permission. Take the thirst trap selfie. Even if it’s just for your eyes only, do it.
And I think that’s it! Comment below to tell me you’re in! I’ll start a new thread tomorrow about the challenge and report back how it’s going for me in real-time and with a follow-up post.
In the meantime, have fun loving you!
Thanks for being here!
Love, Brie
LATEST ON THE PODCAST
Ahh! it's the last episode of the first season!
What an honor it's been to be in your earholes! What I've discovered the most during these past nine months is the importance of...loving yourself and loving your life AS IS. I think that's the whole point of this podcast! Yes, we are single but it's more than that...it's about who we are. Not a relationship status or a label, but our soul.
So this summer i'm really digging into that and having a little "love me a little more summer" and i hope you will join me!
P.S. I love you!