what Gen Z daters are teaching us about love (and labels)

hint: it's all about *vibes*

With Pride Month in full swing, I’ve been reflecting on how much the conversation around identity, love, and dating has evolved — especially for younger generations. There’s this beautiful shift happening, one that feels softer, more open, more human. And according to Hinge’s latest LGBTQIA+ D.A.T.E. (Data, Advice, Trends & Expertise) Report, Gen Z is at the heart of it.

Instead of clinging to fixed identities or trying to fit themselves into perfectly defined boxes, younger daters are embracing a more fluid, intuitive approach to connection — one that prioritizes vibe, not just labels.

To dig into what this all means (and what it can teach us), I spoke with Moe Ari Brown, LMFT (he/they), a licensed therapist and one of the experts featured in the D.A.T.E. report. We talked about “label fatigue,” the pressure to perform gender, and what happens when we choose curiosity over certainty — in dating and in ourselves.

Their insights? Honest, affirming, and such a necessary reminder that connection is a felt experience. Not a checklist.

Let’s get into it.

What does “label fatigue” mean to you, and why do you think so many daters—especially queer-identifying folks—are feeling it now?

For me, “label fatigue” speaks to a deep exhaustion with the constant pressure to define ourselves and our attractions within rigid, often binary, categories. It’s that feeling of being boxed in, of having to fit your ever-evolving self into just one thing to help someone else’s understanding of who you are.

Hinge’s D.A.T.E. (Data, Advice, Trends, and Expertise) Report shows 28% of LGBTQIA+ daters, and 48% of queer-identifying daters, are experiencing this. But why now? I think it’s a combination of factors. We’re living in an unprecedented time of visibility and vocabulary about identity, which is beautiful, and it also means there’s more pressure to “perform” or articulate who you are. For queer folks who have historically had to fight for the right to define ourselves, there’s an added layer of exhaustion. While labels are great to find community and clarity, sometimes those labels can feel like limitations, or they don’t capture the fluidity of our experiences. Labels can be a great starting point, but they can never tell the whole story of who we are and who we’re drawn to, and I think Gen Z is really starting to demonstrate this.

Labels can offer clarity, but they can also create pressure. How can someone know when a label is helping them feel seen versus when it’s boxing them in?

That’s a crucial distinction, and it really comes down to how a label makes you feel internally. A label serves you when it brings you feelings of recognition, relief, and belonging. If it helps you articulate a part of your truth or connects you with others who share similar experiences, a label can be valuable.

However, as some Hinge daters expressed, a label is boxing you in when it feels constrictive. You’ll notice when you start to “perform” that label for others, rather than existing within it. If you find yourself shape-shifting, censoring parts of yourself, or feeling pressure to act a certain way to “prove” your identity, that’s a sign the label is no longer serving your authentic self. Hinge’s D.A.T.E. Report really highlights this, finding that 50% of LGBTQIA+ Hinge daters have felt the need to present as more masc or femme to attract someone, with nearly 1 in 3 regretting it. Your internal compass is your best guide here. If a label feels like a burden, or if it prevents you from exploring new attractions or expressions, it might be time to hold it more loosely or even let it go.

Half of LGBTQIA+ daters in the survey said they felt the need to present as more masc or femme to attract someone. What does this tell us about how gender performance still shows up in dating — even in queer spaces?

It reveals even in queer spaces, which are often seen as havens from heteronormative pressures, the expectation of traditional gender roles still persists. It speaks to what we call the “Prove It Pressure,” the unconscious (or sometimes very conscious) feeling that we need to fit into a recognizable archetype to be desirable or understood.

This statistic shows us that we’re still navigating a dating landscape where people often look for familiar “types” or slot others into preconceived notions of gender expression. It’s a reminder that unlearning these scripts is an ongoing process. My hope is that as we embrace label-fluidity, we can dismantle those performative pressures and create spaces where everyone feels safe to show up as their full, multifaceted selves.

Nearly 1 in 3 people later regretted not staying true to themselves on a date. How can someone gently course-correct in real time when they notice they’re shape-shifting to be liked?

Regret is powerful data. It’s information about the fact that we seek connections for our most authentic selves. When you notice yourself shape-shifting, the first step is self-awareness without judgment. Observe what you’re changing about yourself in that instance. Then, ask yourself what your truth is. What do you actually want to feel or say? Addressing this shape-shifting could be as subtle as shifting your body language, changing the topic of conversation to something you’re passionate about, or expressing a different opinion than what you first offered. This change doesn’t need a grand announcement, just a subtle recalibration.

One of my core frameworks is Emotional Fluency, which is about recognizing, regulating, and relating through emotion. This applies here. In the moment, can you identify the feeling driving the shape-shifting behaviors? Maybe you’re anxious or desiring approval. Acknowledge the driving feelings and then choose to express a more authentic part of yourself, even if it feels more vulnerable. The right person will be drawn to your realness, not your performance.

So many people reported unexpected attraction outside their “usual type,” but didn’t act on it. What internal scripts do you think get in the way of curiosity turning into connection?

This is a huge one, and the D.A.T.E. Report shows the gap: 45% of LGBTQIA+ daters considered dating outside their usual type, but 55% didn’t act on it. Our internal scripts that often get in the way are rooted in fear and self-doubt.

First, there’s the idea of the “type” script itself. We’re conditioned to believe we have a fixed “type,” and deviating from it feels like breaking an unspoken rule. This leads to overthinking, which is a major barrier. Then there’s the fear of social judgment. As the report notes, 50% doubted their own feelings, 34% hesitated due to unfamiliarity with queer dating and 25% feared rejection. These are powerful internal scripts, and they keep us in our comfort zones, even if those zones are limiting our potential for connections. My advice is to flip the “what if”s into “why not”s. See if you can’t remove some of your own barriers one flipped-script at a time.

If someone is questioning their typical preferences or feeling drawn to people they never expected — where should they start when it comes to exploring those feelings?

🧡 This is where it gets even deeper — from unlearning gender scripts to embracing unexpected attraction and finding your truth in dating.

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