My dating goals in 2024
Wait, what?
I don’t typically have goals for the new year, let alone DATING goals. I’ve always been a “fly by seater” type of person, and I think my Pisces rising and Sagittarius stellium has a lot to do with that. I like to feel my way through life (as much as my Capricorn stellium will let me) and when it came to dating, I was always the type of person who believed “it will happen when it happens.”
Well, I’m 41, and it hasn’t happened.
Whatever IT means.
I guess I could be referring to a long-term partnership, which is certainly one of my goals. But I also *cringe* at relationship being a goal that I’m training for like a marathon or something. I don’t want to “win” it, only to have dragged my ass and nearly died on the way to the finish line, you know? (but, Brianne, isn’t that love, you might ask, and to that I say, yes, maybe, but let’s stick a pin in that for now because I still have my training wheels on and would prefer a nice jaunt that only leaves me slightly out of breath.)
Okay, okay, so, would I like to experience a long-term partner in my lifetime? Yes. But do I want that to be the ONLY thing that drives me to date and connect with others? This is what is giving me pause lately.
You see I was running on expectations for a looong time when it came to dating. I think most of us are guilty of this.
WHERE IS THIS GOING?
THIS HAS TO GO SOMEWHERE!
THIS HAS TO BE IT.
It gives us a very constipated view of life, don’t you think? Maybe it’s just me but forcing things to fit, and squeezing something out for some sort of relief and temporary satisfaction doesn’t feel, I dunno, sexy and stable?
Which is why I am asking myself…does it have to go somewhere?
I’ve been digging deeper lately into what I am actually requiring from love and sex currently, and why. I’ve also been re-evaluating my past patterns in dating and connecting, and turning the bright shiny (and often scary) mirror on myself. WHY DO YOU DO THIS, BRIANNE? AND HOW DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE IT?
Truthfully, I think I’ve avoided intimate connections for a long time and of course I had all sorts of excuses for it. Love would find me when I was ready. I wasn’t ready. They aren’t ready. Then, I wanted something serious even if it was implied (heck, even if it was probably the best thing to be) casual and non-committal, yet NO MATTER WHAT (!) IT HAD to BE SOMETHING and GO SOMEWHERE.
Or else…I was out. Didn’t want to bother to date. Perfectly content to be alone.
Here’s the thing… did it, really need to go somewhere?
Was I really that content to be alone?
Or was I just protecting myself?
Umm, yes (there’s of course rejection, heartbreak, depression, you know, the usual dumpster fire to consider when you dare to open your heart and be seen) and so I was also self-sabotaging myself a little (a lot), letting myself stay stuck in the same cycle because I kept telling myself I would only let myself date and fall for someone if it was going to turn into something more (another thing we tend to get caught up in dating as if ‘more’ is always better. One tablespoon of peanut butter is often more satiating than eating the entire jar depending on our mood and that time of the month).
But here’s the kicker, friends. I WASN’T EVEN DATING. Not really. Just engaged with a slew of situationships that expired quicker than a carton of oat milk.
Not that those types of connections can’t be meaningful and passionate and hot…but when you’re looking to them to fill some sort of void or pushing them into something they are clearly not…then they automatically become more draining than meaningful, not to mention wayyyy less passionate and hot. And then you don’t want to connect with anyone anymore. Or at least you tell yourself that because…you’re self-sabotaging yourself and protecting your heart (and vulva) like it’s under lock and key.
Well, 41 year old Brianne has had enough of THAT. ALL OF IT.
So what does that look like? Here’s a list of dating goals in 2024 (not permanent, but one for me to keep in mind and I wholly reserve the right to change, mend, and grow along with it).
Not being results-oriented. This is not to say I won’t have boundaries or clear communication or some self-respect. But this is to say that I won’t jump ship or remain so narrow-minded that I won’t allow myself to have a pleasurable experience and spend time with someone for the thrill of it all. I am finally realizing — and accepting and embracing — there might be lessons involved with a dating experience that lasts a few days, weeks or a few months. It doesn’t have to go anywhere. Sometimes the greatest gift is the presence of someone. So as I am looking to enhance and maximize my relationship with dating, who says doing it “for the plot” isn’t a good thing if you’re on the same page?
Dating outside my type. I think one sentence sums this up, “Yes, chef.” Thanks to hubba hubba Jeremy Allen White, I’m open to dating someone who could be shorter than me. Younger than me. Someone who is unlike me or any other guy I’ve dated (so someone emotionally available who responds to me like a giddy golden retriever). Maybe someone who’s an artist but is, like, normal. Just someone who embodies the whole “Wow, I never thought you would go for him” vibe and try it out!
Communicating more intimately. This goes for inside and outside of the bedroom. One of my struggles has been allowing myself to be completely vulnerable with someone and communicating from that space. I am an open person but there’s a difference between expressing openness and vulnerability. Also I would like to communicating with more softness, which, honestly, I blame my Mercury being in Capricorn, but, yes, I think being able to be fully authentic yet tender is a powerful way to connect with someone and I WOULD LIKE TO BE THAT. And, yes, DADDY, I want to speak my mind when it comes to sex in a way that feels way more embodied and truthful.
Allowing to receive more. As a single woman, and a Capricorn at that, self-reliance and independence is THE VIBE. I put cabinets together, I go to doctors’ appointments alone, I cook for one, I travel solo, etc. You get the idea. So allowing someone to GIVE me something, anything, and letting myself lean back and receive without any expectation and without any sort of transactional expectation is HUGE for me. But one that, honestly, I’m fucking ready for because this girl is tired of proving her worth and capability.
Getting a little support. So this can look like maybe, possibly, going on a dating app (although I’ve said time and again that I won’t). This can look like asking people to set me up. And this looks like having a dating coach in my corner for the first time. I am excited to work with my friend, Stacy Perry, who is a dating coach, and who has graciously invited me to work with her for a few months. Who knows where it will lead, but I think getting more support than I’ve ever had on my dating journey (LORD, did I just call it a journey?!) can only be beneficial.
Also, Stacy guested on the latest episode of my podcast, Seriously Single, which you can listen to here. We talked all about going ALL IN on love and dating in 2024 and she has some great tips and advice from her own story (she went out on over 400 dates until she met the love of her life at 45).
I think that’s pretty much it for now. I’ll report back with any updates. Duh.
Here’s to finding and receiving and growing the love we want in our lives in 2024, and beyond! Thanks for being here.
Love, Brie