I'm spending the holidays alone...again
But I'm happy about it. Really.
I’m spending the holidays alone…again.
This has become a tradition of mine since 2020 when I couldn’t/wouldn’t visit my parents for Christmas because, you know…the world was on fire.
Then the following year I couldn’t/wouldn’t visit my parents, who live on the opposite end of Canada, because I had COVID.
Then the next year I couldn’t/wouldn’t visit my parents for Christmas because…well, I could blame the astronomical prices for air travel across Canada (honestly, I can visit Europe for cheaper) but I think the real truth is…I didn’t want to.
Because I really like spending the holidays alone.
Truly.
So I am doing it again this year because…it feels right.
And because I want to?
Okay, so, let’s get this out of the way first. Yes, of course, I love my family, and one day I am sure — I KNOW — we will spend the holidays together again. And maybe one day I will celebrate with them when I have a partner. And maybe one day we will combine our families together for the holidays. Or not. Whatever!
But in the meantime, I am giving myself full permission to enjoy spending the holidays alone, as a single woman, in my apartment, with my cat (who so far has only broken two ornaments).
Is that so hard to believe?
I think so. I mean, I think it’s a pretty radical notion that a single woman doesn’t mind her own company and in fact prefers to create her own holiday traditions alone rather than submit to the societal pressures — and the narrative of all Hallmark Christmas movies — that tell us single women are in desperate need of being saved by a man (who might or might not run a Christmas tree farm) or else succumb to a life of regrets (which usually means she’ll return to the big city for a job — the nerve!).
Anyway. I love spending the holidays alone, so sue me.
My first Christmas alone? I welcomed it with open arms. I saw it as an opportunity to make something new and turn an experience that could easily be scary and lonely into something I actually enjoyed.
I made sure to buy a Christmas tree and treated myself to pretty ornaments that spoke to me — like a pink tinsel and a mouse chef with a baguette — and I made an OCCASION of decorating my tree. I put on Mariah Carey’s Christmas album. I made myself a martini. I switched out of my pandemic-era sweats into something more sparkly and “normal.” In essence, I celebrated MYSELF.
This, I think, is key. Not so much the ability to celebrate — because I think it’s safe to say we all know how to celebrate someone else, like a child or a parent or a good friend — but the AUDACITY to celebrate oneself is a harder pill to swallow for most. Luckily for me, not so much. I don’t know where I get this from. Is it because I am an only child? Is it because my birthday falls the day after Christmas and therefore begets a sort of “look at me! notice me!” deficiency since I was always competing with Jesus for attention? Is it because my moon is in Taurus, which gives me an innate impulse for luxury and good times?
I have no idea. But if you were to steal a page from Brianne’s book of life, I might implore to borrow this one — the audacity to celebrate yourself — especially if you’re single, because…well, to paraphrase a popular hair colouring commercial, you’re worth it. Full stop.
Over the years — specifically the COVID years in which I lived alone in a city where I didn’t know anyone — I’ve realized I am my own best friend and that the most important relationship I have is the one I have with myself. This might sound like it belongs on a Pinterest board, and it probably is, but the truth of its simplicity is in its sincerity. The longest relationship is the one we have with ourselves. Why not blast “All I Want for Christmas Is You” alone in your apartment, whilst decorating a candy confection of a Christmas tree and getting drunk on martinis?
WE ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE.
Look, I know the holidays makes us feel all sorts of things, but my deepest wish for all of us is to hold ourselves with such reverence that we know we’ll be okay because we make it so.
Maybe that means decorating your home for the holidays. Maybe it means making sure your calendar is full with activities that you want to do and WILL DO.
I don’t believe in putting your life on hold for another, or the hope of another.
I believe you should always enjoy celebrating and doing something special for yourself. I believe you should always make the most of your life ALWAYS regardless of your relationship status, and especially regardless of what others might say.
This year I didn’t make a night of decorating my Christmas tree. Rather I made an afternoon of it, drinking freshly brewed coffee and homemade cookies while a Hallmark Christmas movie played on the TV in the background. My cat only knocked down one ornament and I wore my pajamas. It was the perfect day.
You can listen to my tips on how exactly I spend the holidays single and alone and happy on the latest episode of my podcast, Seriously Single.
As I said I know this can be a triggering time for some, but I have some tips for you that will help boost your mood and confidence, and have you looking forward to the holiday season because you're going to have so much fun and treat yourself with so much love and magic -- you won't even notice you're single! These are the things I use in my own life, and I have fun every single holiday season alone and single. For real.
Thanks for being here!
Love, Brie