i don't want to be single anymore
because it's just time
BREAKING NEWS
Brianne Hogan doesn’t want to be single anymore!
Lock up your sons! Here she comes!
Well, okay, maybe it’s not quite like that. Although in my world, it is quite the revelation since the most significant thing about me, for the majority of my life, is that I’m single.
I’ve never ever had a plus one.
My parents are my emergency contacts.
I’ve never lived with a romantic partner before.
I have a cat. #catlady
Then there are the lame conversations that you get sort of roped into as a single person, ones that you never asked to be included in the first place, like “Are you dating anyone?” “Have you been on a date lately?” “What’s it like being single?” “Do you want to get married?” “Being on your own, what’s that like?” “You’re better off masturbating!” (and, yes, sometimes you are.)
Of course there are many amazing things about being single, many of which I discuss on my podcast, including doing whatever you want, whenever you want, watching whatever you want, whenever you want it, and, what never seems to get old, starfishing in the middle of the bed. Plus there’s all all the “self” stuff you get to do, like self-discovery, self-exploration, self-healing, self-compassion, self-soothing, self-moving-things-up-the-stairs, self-cooking-and-cleaning-apartment even-when-you-don’t-feel-lik-it etc., but like, all the time. That’s just your life. Self-ing yourself.
Anyway, I love being single.
I think being single, actually, has made me a better partner. To myself.
But now, I no longer want to be a “me,” I want to be a “we.”
I mean, shoot me, please, if I start actually talking like that. “We’re watching Bridgerton,” “We’re busy,” “We love that restaurant,” “We’re pregnant.” “We’re wearing this two-headed turtleneck.”
Honestly, couples, you can be insufferable at times.
What I mean is, I am ready — perhaps more than ever before — to welcome another person (an attractive, healthy, emotionally available man who doesn’t mind psychotic cats, well, just one psychotic cat who happens to live with me) into my life.
Here’s the thing. I never said I didn’t want to be in a relationship. Nor have I ever said that I want to be single forever.
BUT BUT BUT my actions and intentions have said otherwise. Even when I was dating people, I didn’t have a clear vision of what I wanted in a relationship. What I needed in a relationship. What I could contribute to a relationship. I was attached, I think, to the idea of a relationship, and further more, my idea of what a relationship could look like for me based on my past.
For example:
Girl meets boy. Boy acts interested. Girl is like, “what? OK, we’re doing this.” Girl gets attached. Boy runs away. Girl gets more attached. Chases Boy. Boy runs away harder. Girl is left with a distorted example of love and relationships, as well as her own self worth and value.
What’s changed?
Me.
I am no longer that girl. I know longer wish to participate in that type of dynamic. I no longer want that boy.
I am ready for something new. I am ready to be someone new. I am ready for someone new.
For a very long time, I thought romantic love was one of those things I would do eventually, like getting your taxes done or finally watching the entire series of Breaking Bad.
One day someone twists your arm, or heart, hard enough, and bam – you’re in a relationship or watching Walter and Jesse figure out how to dissolve a body while you’re figuring out how much gas mileage you can write off.
Suffice to say I just didn’t know how love and dating worked. I thought I would fall into it or it would miraculously find me. I didn’t actively date. I recycled men. I slept with friends. I settled for situationships when I wanted relationships.
Not surprisingly I avoided relationships. It’s always been easier for me to be on my own. I like being on my own. I’m good at it.
Maybe too good at it.
But now?
Something feels different. I feel different. Maybe it’s because I loved myself a little more this summer. Maybe because Pluto stopped riding Capricorn’s ass for the first time in 15 years (astrology geeks get it). Maybe it’s because it’s just. fucking. time.
And maybe it’s because I know I can do this. I have a very clear and confident sense of who I am as a woman now. I know I have a lot to offer to someone (I honestly stopped myself from saying “what I bring to the table” because I hate that term so much except if we’re literally referring bringing something to the table as in potlucks or Thanksgiving dinner, otherwise, ew).
I also know the type of relationship I would like to create with another, at least when it comes to what it looks like and feels like because I’m still unsure just how “long-term” I would like it to be (baby steps, people).
As for the guy? Yes, I know what he looks like, too. He doesn’t need to be over 6 feet tall, but he does need to be kind! And, yes, sexy, but, like, nice sexy, not scary sexy, like Skarsgard-sexy, and who desires and is capable of providing the same type of stable connection and open communication that I do.
So I’m being more intentional with dating. I am on a dating app for the first time in 10 years (more about that later). I am joining new social activities and clubs. I make small talk at the coffee shop. In other words, I am OPEN. OPEN FOR BUSINESS, PEOPLE!!
Most importantly, unlike other times in my life, I know that I have a lot to love to give, and that I am lovable as I am. Right now, right here.
What’s probably the best part of this is that I really do like being single, and I already have a full life, and so I know that whomever is the lucky guy who gets to walk through my door, will be worth the wait…
However, I’m sure as hell not waiting for him.
Thanks for being here!
Love, Brie x
SONG OF THE WEEK:
QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
"I’m waiting for the man who’s courageous enough to deal with me. I’m going to wait though. You always find the wrong person when you go looking." - Rihanna
NEWSLETTER UPDATE
So some things are going to be changing around here soon. Here’s what you can expect:
More content on dating and relationships — besides my own stories! <3
Deep dive interviews with experts on dating and sex, as well as women’s wellness, health & spirituality
More pop culture & style content
Personal podcast episodes with yours truly, talking about the things I don’t want the public to know — called Love, Brie (what a shocker!)
A video diary — literally A Day in the Life of a Single Woman (Who Somehow Still Manages to Live Despite Being Single)
AMAs. I want your questions on all the things as well as what you would like me to talk about and discuss! Email me at: brianne.hogan@gmail.com
That’s it for now! But I’m excited for these changes! Let’s gooooo! Virgo season in da house!!