how to survive a breakup (according to a mother-daughter duo who lived it)

Because getting dumped sucks — but healing doesn’t have to.

As part of Love, Writing, where I explore the craft and heart of storytelling, I’m chatting with writers and creators whose work I admire. These exclusive Q&As for paid members are a chance to dive into their creative worlds, hear about their journeys, and share a little of the magic behind the scenes. I hope these conversations spark something in you too.

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I remember telling my mom about my first real breakup — she looked at me and said, “I rue the day he was born.” She meant it. Most of the time, it’s moms who help their daughters through heartbreak. Rarely do we see it the other way around — where a daughter consoles her mother. That’s what makes What To Do When You Get Dumped so moving and powerful.

Written by Suzy Hopkins after her husband of 30 years left her for an old flame — a marriage counselor, no less — and illustrated by her daughter Hallie Bateman, this graphic memoir is an honest, funny, and heartfelt guide to surviving the end of a relationship. It’s tender and full of real advice, a warm hug in book form. And it made me think about the ways I write through my own heartbreaks — how writing about them has always been a form of healing for me, too.

On Mother’s Day, this story feels especially meaningful. I know this day can bring up a lot — love, grief, gratitude, longing. However you’re feeling, wherever you’re at, What To Do When You Get Dumped is a gentle reminder that love changes, but it doesn’t disappear. And sometimes, healing can be found in the most unexpected place — through the creative bond between a mother and daughter, mending their grief together with humour and expression.

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How did your mother-daughter relationship influence the way you approached writing this book together, given the sensitive nature of the subject matter?

Suzy: I started writing the first draft of our book as a way to process my lingering grief, three years after my husband left. Hallie and I had created a book about grief and loss several years earlier (“What to Do When I’m Gone”). This new book was more emotionally challenging for me, written from a place of vulnerability as I examined what helped and what hurt as I worked toward a new life. The trust that Hallie and I have for each other and the working partnership we’d already developed were key to this project.

Hallie, what was it like to witness your mother going through such a painful experience, and how did that impact your role in writing the book?

A: It was awful to see my mom in so much pain, but I felt grateful that she didn’t shield me or my brothers from it. Her vulnerability around what she was going through allowed us to be there and support her. My working on the book could be considered an extension of that support, but first and foremost I just love working with my mom and this idea resonated for both of us. The divorce affected our whole family and I wanted to make art about it. Dumped gave us a way to explore and process everything that had happened for my mom and in our family.

Suzy, how did your daughter's involvement in the project affect your healing process? Did it provide a different perspective or source of support?

A: Creating something this personal was triggering and painful for me at times. Hallie was patient and loving, giving me time and space to regroup as needed. On top of being a brilliant artist, she has a keen eye for clarity. While creating the art, she also helped fine-tune the narrative to be more honest, concise and meaningful.

Did you find that your shared history as mother and daughter gave you a unique advantage in understanding and addressing the complexities of the breakup?

Suzy: We have a sort of shorthand in life, knowing each other’s outlook and values, strengths and weaknesses. And we love each other deeply. That knowledge and our bond made it easier to discuss and sometimes debate the book’s complex and emotional subjects and make fully considered creative choices.

Hallie: I have a deep knowledge of my mom’s life and perspective, and was not myself in the throes of heartbreak in the same way. I was able to view it from more distance, which I think helped my mom do the same, although there were certainly times she had to ask to take a break or correct an assumption I’d made. Our closeness makes us good writing partners in general, I think. We can squabble about writing and not take it personally, we can chat about writing as we cook dinner, text each other at odd hours. My mom taught me how to write, so writing with her feels very natural.

What was the most challenging aspect of turning such a personal and painful experience into a resource for others?

Suzy: We collaborated on this book for about three years. It took me nearly a year to write the first draft, a year for Hallie to create the art, and a year of fine-tuning to shape the final work. For me, the hardest part was staying connected to that raw emotional content, and all the memories it held, while at the same time trying to move on to a new life.

Hallie: For me, the challenge of Dumped was really just working with my mom to create a book she felt great about. She offers so much of her personal, emotional world while protecting her privacy and the privacy of my dad and others. One reviewer said the book toes a line between memoir and advice, and I think that’s correct. It’s a delicate balance, done very intentionally.

How did you balance the humor and hope aspects of the book with the very real pain and devastation of a breakup?