How to stop crying at least for a minute

Tips to pause not bypass feels

It’s been a minute since I’ve sent out one of these things. While it’s important to me to remain consistent with this newsletter, I’m human (surprise -I’m not a robotic writer! Just a silly old meat suit). Times are tough and the world seems so uncertain and even scary right now (that’s an understatement). Doom scrolling is a natural reflex for many. It’s important to stay informed about life’s events but it’s also equally important to do whatever you can to soothe yourself. You deserve to take care of you. It’s like that whole “put on your own oxygen mask first before you can help others” type thing. I think that when we are grounded into our most expansive self (or at least make the attempt to do so) we are far more effective to help the collective (that’s a lot -ive sounds).

After living alone during the pandemic in a brand new city without an IRL support system, I have become sort of an expert when it comes to self-soothing and finding a silver lining despite the garbage fire around us. Here are tips that I do to get grounded, feel some joy (even if fleeting) in my life, and how to basically stop crying at least for a minute.

1. Find a spiritual practice that’s yours

“The inward journey is about finding your own fullness, something that no one else can take away.” - Deepak Chopra

I’m busting out the big guns with this one right off the top but if you don’t have a spiritual practice that’s yours, I suggest you find one that works for you. This isn’t about being super religious or super woo woo. To me, being spiritual is really about connecting to the true essence of you (your soul) and how you connect with everything and everyone outside of yourself. I find my spirituality to be my sanctuary. It’s how I reset, recharge, and reconnect to a life that’s bigger than me. Typically I meditate and journal. Most days I pray. Sometimes it’s listening to binaural beats on YouTube. Sometimes it’s just taking a minute or two to breathe deeply and welcome silence and stillness. And sometimes it’s going outdoors and admiring the abundance and beauty of Mother Nature. It’s whatever helps you to get out of your busy mind and into the expansion of your heart and soul; to listen to that small voice that says you’re safe and you’re enough.

2. Move your body that feels enjoyable to you

   “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't." - Elle Woods

Key word — enjoyable. The “intense heavy duty, gotta finish this workout, do it everyday” thing? Been there done that, and I’m over it. I think when we push our bodies to exercise, we take the fun out of it and when we do that, we often hate what we’re doing and then end up in some fucked up relationship with working out and with our bodies and our minds. Movement/exercise/working out is natural and good for us — like Elle says — but the caveat is you must like what you’re doing. Otherwise it becomes like a self-punishment and we don’t need any more hard things to experience at a time like this.

So skip the trendy workouts (unless that’s your jam). You don’t need to go hard like J. Lo. Instead ask — what do you like doing? Walking and hiking? Playing basketball? Dancing? I’ve recently returned to dance cardio and Pilates, and it’s made a difference with my mind and body because I enjoy what I’m doing. I’m not pushing for a result. I feel confident, grounded, and mindful. Movement isn’t just for us getting rock hard abs — it’s an opportunity for us to drop out of your heads and into our bodies, allowing us to surrender to the present moment and give thanks for the vessel that carries us. (I know that sound wicked deep but it’s true y’all!)

3. Find the funny

“Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it doesn’t stop the rain but allows us to keep going.” - Anonymous

If you’re having trouble finding a laugh in the everyday, you’re not alone. My funny bone has been in recovery for the last two years because my Pisces rising gets me way into my feels and navel-gazing. But lately I’ve tapped back into that goofy side of myself who likes to laugh and make others laugh. I’ve made silly reels with me and Brad Pitt on my Instagram (you should check them out); I’ve made a point to write more funny things; I watch funny movies and TV shows (I think I’ve watched far too many Adam Sandler movies for the last two years but who’s counting?); I even tried laughing yoga on YouTube (which is very odd and awkward but actually pretty funny — and yes you will laugh out loud and feel better despite yourself). I mean who doesn’t like the feeling you get when you’re laughing so hard you’re crying? Isn’t that an amazing release? So I go out of my way to find funny and laugh on the daily even when I don’t feel like it because I know it will make me feel better and laughing is never overrated. Give yourself permission to laugh!

4. Connect with your tried and true

“The best things in life aren’t things…they’re your friends.” - Anonymous

Check on your strong friend. Check on your weak friend (haha, just kidding). Check on your avoidant friend. Check on the friend who always sends silly cat GIFs. Friendships and community ground us. They give us a sense of purpose and elevate our moods. They make life more enjoyable and meaningful. No person is an island. And trust me - after living alone in a new city during a pandemic, I know this to be true.

One of my favourite things to do is have movie night with my friends over FaceTime or host silly Murder Mystery parties! So, initiate in-person or online get-togethers. FaceTime someone (seriously, introverts, it won’t kill you. Seeing the face of someone you love is medicine for the soul). Tell someone you love them. Tell someone you’re there for them whenever they need you. Tell someone you’re sorry. I mean, just do it. Obviously I’m not referring to assholes or people who make you feel like shit. Those people you can delete from your life. And if you haven’t — you should. You deserve to have only encouraging and supportive people in your life. That’s not to say people won’t have bad days or let you down (especially during today’s climate) so do yourself and everyone a favour….own your shit. Give one another grace. Apologize. And show up for each other the best way you can. You won’t ever regret the times you connect with a solid friend or loved one.

We need each other.

5. Create stuff

“I dream. Sometimes I think that’s the only right thing to do.” - Haruki Murakami

We live in a world that is far more entrenched in consuming than it is creating, and while I appreciate you consuming my stuff, like reading this newsletter, I know how valuable and vital it is to create your own shit. It’s no surprise that I launched my podcast, wrote two books, and created this newsletter during the pandemic.

We are wired to make stuff that matters to us. That’s not to say you’ve gotta be a professional with your creativity but if there’s something you want to create in this world — whether it’s a podcast, a blog, a piece of pottery, photography, mastering a recipe or a dance routine, or even journaling — you owe it to yourself to do it. This isn’t about doing it for the fame or money either. It’s about creating art for the sake of creating art. I believe your soul speaks through your creative urges — it’s the highest form of self-expression you have access to. Creating stuff allows us to channel our emotions and brings us to a space that connects us to who we are and what we want to say. So let it out! And, yes, that could mean mastering TikTok videos. Whatever floats your boat. There’s no judgment here! To quote my favourite singer of all-time, “Say what you need to say” - John Mayer. (I know, I know, we’ll get into that later.)

That’s all from me for this week. I’ll be back next with last installment of my 3 truths + 1 lie with my story about Ricky Martin and a CD signing in Paris as a teenager. CDs!!! Remember them!?

Until then…take good care of you.