For today’s young adults, their wallets have started determining their love lives.

According to a new survey from Alinea Invest, 83% of young adults say they feel financially unprepared for major life milestones. Nearly half skip dates to save money. Over half experience anxiety about dating costs. And almost half have avoided dates entirely because of financial concerns.

Let that sink in.

Connection has become negotiable.

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Three out of four respondents say they’ve sacrificed their mental health in pursuit of financial stability. Half turn to social media for financial advice — looking for answers in algorithms because traditional stability feels increasingly out of reach.

This isn’t frivolous. Financial anxiety is real. Inflation is real. Rent is real. Debt is real.

But something else is happening too.

I’ve been noticing a pattern — not just in Gen Z, but across age groups. People are postponing dating because they don’t feel “prepared.”

Prepared emotionally. Prepared financially. Prepared lo…

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Alright friends, buckle up — this month’s roundup of my latest articles is a mix of wild, weird, and surprisingly relatable takes on love, sex, and human connection. From age gaps to ER visits, and even what your dog thinks about your sex life (hint: nothing), here’s what I wrote about lately.

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👩‍🦳 Older Women Dating Younger Men — The Surprising Pros & Cons

I shared a bit of my own experience, but I also interviewed other “older” women about the ups and downs of dating younger men. Energy, curiosity, less baggage — yes. Sometimes immaturity or mismatched goals — also yes. If you’ve ever been curious about how age gaps really play out, this one hits the sweet spot.

🚑 What ER Docs See When Sex Goes Wrong

Turns out, people really do show up to the ER with sex injuries. Some of them are wild, some are cringe-worthy, all of them are real. A reminder that, while sex is fun, sometimes bodies get unexpectedly dramatic.

🍆 Big Penises Can Be a Problem Too

We talk a lot about “too small” or performance anxiety, but apparently “too big” comes with its own intimacy issues. The article dives into how physical mismatch can create emotional and sexual tension — and why therapy sometimes really helps.

👀 Smiling at Strangers for 30 Days — And What I Learned About Connection

I tried saying hi and smiling at strangers every day for 30 days. It’s not about dating apps or hookups — it’s about feeling safe, open, and confident connecting with humans in real life. The takeaway? Maybe the more comfortable we get saying hi to strangers, the easier it is to meet people organically, including potential dates.

🛏️ When the Sex Just Isn’t There

A candid look at low-libido phases in long-term relationships. It’s not always dramatic — sometimes it’s slow, stress-related, and confusing — and it’s okay. Helpful for anyone wondering if a “dead bedroom” means the relationship is doomed (spoiler: usually not).

🐶 Your Dog Doesn’t Care About Your Sex Life

Does your pet care if you’re having sex in front of it? Short answer: nope. Long answer: they’re completely oblivious to the “romantic vibes” you’re trying to set. Also, kind of hilarious and comforting to know your pup isn’t silently judging your performance.

That’s the roundup for this month! Whether you’re navigating dating apps, long-term relationships, or just your own libido, there’s a little something here for everyone.

Thanks for being here!

Love, Brie xoxo

P.S. Your turn: Which of these stories hit home for you this week? Hit reply and let me know — I love hearing from you. 💌

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Why does Gen Z seem to have such a different relationship with sex?

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Depending on who you ask, Gen Z is either the most sexually open generation…or the least sexually active one. They’re having less sex, reporting more stress, and navigating intimacy through a landscape shaped by the internet, dating apps, and a level of social pressure most of us never had to grow up with.

Valérie has spent years studying these patterns, and what she shared was both refreshing and sobering — and honestly, it says a lot about where our culture is headed.

Here’s our full conversation.

How does Gen Z’s relationship with sex and desire differ …

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We know by now — especially if you subscribe to my newsletter — that love, sex, and relationships are messy, surprising, and just a little chaotic. This week’s roundup hits all the corners of connection: the wild, the hormonal, the unconventional, and the things that make you go “wait…that’s a thing?” Grab a cup of coffee or tea, and let’s dive in!

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🤰 Orgasms During Birth

Scary Mommy – Orgasming During Birth
Yes, people really can orgasm while giving birth. This article had me equal parts shocked and fascinated. It’s intimate, deeply personal, and a little wild — and it got me thinking about how birth can totally redefine intimacy and self-pleasure.

👩‍🦳 Women Dating Younger Men

Huffington Post UK – Women Who Date Younger Men
Women spill what it’s really like to date younger guys: the energy is fun, the enthusiasm infectious, but life stage differences can trip you up fast. Age gaps aren’t as glamorous as they look on Instagram — but sometimes, that chaos is worth it.

🔥 Menopause and Sex

Yahoo! Style Canada – Menopause’s Impact on Sex and Relationships
Menopause isn’t just hot flashes. It can change libido, mood, and physical intimacy — basically, it’s a relationship plot twist no one warns you about. Open communication and a little experimentation — and lots of understanding — helps make this transition as smooth and sexy as possible.

📱 Dopamine and Notifications

HuffPost – Notifications Hijacking Your Attention
Texts, pings, and notifications hijack our brains with tiny dopamine hits, making dating feel more urgent than it is. Reminder: that constant pinging doesn’t mean connection — it usually means your brain is addicted to the buzz.

🏡 Living Together, Apart

Scary Mommy – Living Together, Apart
You know what they say…the couples who live apart…stay together? Maybe! Couples are staying together without sharing a home. Less friction, more space, and surprisingly honest boundaries. It’s weirdly appealing — kind of like dating with a little breathing room built-in.

💔 Open Relationships in Your 40s and 50s

Yahoo! Style Canada – Open Relationships for Older Couples
Open relationships aren’t just for twentysomethings experimenting. Older couples are redefining connection, sparking desire, and figuring out what they actually want. Consent, honesty, and a dash of courage are key to making these connections work.

I hope you enjoy the reads! Let me know what’s your favourite topic/article in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.

Thanks for being here!

Love, Brie xoxo

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For me, Halloween has always been a little magical, a little naughty. It’s Scorpio season, after all, and that supernatural energy can be surprisingly sensual. Halloween is a chance to lean into whatever that means for you—wearing costumes, playing with personas, and embracing a hint of taboo are all part of the fun. You don’t have to be super kinky to feel your baddest, boldest self. You just have to have fun!

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One Halloween that really sticks with me: I was 22, freshly graduated from NYU, living in Brooklyn with a coworker, and navigating my first sexual experiences with someone who would become my first boyfriend (though, true to form, he was hot and cold). My roo…

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The app’s new Cuffing Season Guide encourages people to slow down and ask themselves what they actually want — not just in a partner, but emotionally and energetically. Even the much-misunderstood “Figuring Out My Dating Goals” option in Hinge’s Dating Intentions feature is getting a makeover, reframed as a sign of self-awareness rather than indecision. If you think about it…aren’t we all figuring out what we want while we’re dating on some level?

And while we’ve all heard of being nonchalant in dating, apparently 2025 is the year of being chalant — fully engaged, expressive, and open to feeling something real. (Honestly? I love that for us. And also? I talked about this on TikTok months ago! So maybe I was ahead of the trend?)

@briannehogan @briannehogan ♬ original sound - Brianne Hogan/Dating Writer

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Cuffing season is something I’ve been thinking about more and more lately. It’s a concept I used to bump up against — that idea of coupling up just because it’s cold outside or because we don’t want to be alone. But I’m starting to see it differently: maybe it’s less about loneliness and more about choosing connection, about leaning into warmth and intention. And that’s exactly what Hinge’s survey shows, too.

I’ll probably explore more about my own experience with cuffing season in a future essay, but for now, I wanted to share this conversation with Moe Ari Brown, LMFT, Hinge’s love and connection expert, about how we can approach this cuffing season with clarity, confidence, and yes — a little bit of chalant energy.

The “Figuring Out My Dating Goals” option on Hinge has become one of the most common responses, but it’s often misunderstood. Why do you think so many people are selecting it, and what does it reveal about where singles are at right now in terms of clarity and commitment?

The truth is, we are all figuring it out. Even if we know we desire a long-term commitment, we don’t know who we want that with until we meet them. Rather than signaling disinterest, it often shows that people are approaching dating with self-awareness, recognizing that intentions can evolve over time. The misunderstanding happens when others project assumptions equating the phrase with casualness, when in reality, only 7% of daters with ‘Figuring Out My Dating Goals’ selected are looking for hookups. Most are open to meaningful connections but don’t want to rush or pretend to have everything figured out. This trend highlights that daters value clarity and alignment while giving themselves room to grow.

Do you think selecting “Figuring Out My Dating Goals” during cuffing season takes on a different meaning, given that Hinge’s research shows 72% of women across sexualities care more about effort than income — suggesting people may be looking for presence and consistency more than casual flings?

Selecting “Figuring Out My Dating Goals” isn’t about keeping things casual. This time of year naturally begins to slow us down as we head toward the period of reflection that usually occurs simultaneously with the end of the year. That slower pace brings a desire for consistency and closeness, and many people are being honest about not having everything mapped out yet. They want to see how things unfold without forcing a label too early. When 72% of women say they care more about effort than a higher income, it really points to what matters most: someone showing up with presence and reliability.

For daters who are genuinely figuring things out, what are some ways they can communicate that without it coming across as vague or noncommittal? For example, 74% of heterosexual women say making specific plans in advance shows effort, and 84% say a thoughtful date matters more than cost — both of which signal clearer intentions.

For people genuinely figuring things out, the key is to pair honesty with a bit of intentionality. Instead of just saying “I’m figuring it out” and leaving it there, add a little context about what that actually looks like for you right now. You can do this by adding a “Backstory,”

Sharing a little context doesn’t require a deep personal essay. It’s about showing up with intention and giving someone just enough insight to understand where you’re coming from.

Here’s how to use it well:

● Be honest without over-explaining. One or two clear lines can go a long way.

● Let your tone reflect your values: soft, clear, grounded.

● Instead of saying what you don’t want, share a glimpse of what feels meaningful to you right now.

For example:

● “I’m in a season of growth and open to something emotionally grounded and consistent, that feels good for both of us.”

● “I value intention and warmth, looking to build something solid that feels mutual and kind.”

● “I’m still figuring out my dating intentions, but I know I desire connections that are intentional and have solid friendship as the foundation.”

● “Let’s build something real at a pace that feels right for both of us.”

These aren’t declarations, they’re invitations. They create space for real connection without overpromising or withholding. And that’s the difference between feeling vague versus feeling human.

If you already have a few ideas about how you’d like to grow a relationship, such as regular, thoughtful dates or a slow-paced connection that begins with friendship, I encourage you to share that. Naming what’s true for you now doesn’t lock you into one future; it just helps someone understand how to meet you where you are.

We’re seeing a cultural shift where singles say they want more effort, more planning, and more presence from partners. Do you think this desire for intention could lead to fewer situationships and a greater comfort with labels? (Especially as only 6% of women expect men to be financial providers, with emotional availability and communication now ranking higher.)

We’re in a moment where people are hungry for more than surface-level connection. They’re asking for planning, presence, and emotional effort, not as a means to control the outcome, but as a way to feel safe being seen. That shift is not about whether we will lean more into labels. It’s about deepening our capacity for emotional honesty, availability, and responsibility.

Labels don’t solve confusion or relationship ambiguity; honesty does. For this reason, effort isn’t just about doing more; it’s about being more: more present, more transparent, more aware, more human in our feelings with one another.

When someone shows up with effort, it doesn’t guarantee permanence. But it does offer clarity. And that’s what so many people are craving: not a timeline, but truth-telling in love. Not more roles and titles, but more emotional fluency in their relationships.

So, yes, we will likely see fewer connections that feel ambiguous—not because everyone wants a label, but because more of us are learning to name what we’re building, tend to it with care, and stay present to the way love unfolds, even if it unfolds differently than we imagined. Big emphasis on “we are learning to name what we are building and tend to it with care”.

Interest in the word “chalant” (the opposite of nonchalant) has risen 217% in 2025. How does this growing appetite for excitement and intentionality in dating contrast with the detached, nonchalant energy that’s long been part of hookup culture?

To me, the rise in “chalant” isn’t solely a trend; it’s more like a reckoning. For too long, we were taught that desire should look detached. That wanting someone too much made you weak. That the one who cares less is more desirable. But that story was never love. It was fear dressed up as coolness.

Nonchalance has long been the mask we were taught to wear to avoid rejection. In our 2024 Gen Z D.A.T.E. Report, we found that 95% of Hinge users worry about rejection, and Gen Z feels this especially deeply. That fear can make it hard to be vulnerable about your intentions. But people are tired of pretending they don’t care when their hearts are burning underneath. This moment is about emotional thawing. It’s about reclaiming the right to feel openly, to want, to wonder, to risk being seen.

Being “chalant” means showing up with emotional clarity and care, rather than holding back out of fear. It means saying: “I like you, and I’m not afraid to say it.” Being chalant is not about rushing intimacy, it’s about removing the armor that prevents us from actually feeling connection. We’re in a moment where realness is becoming more attractive than aloofness, where presence and clarity are hotter than playing it cool, where tenderness is no longer a liability, but a flex. And maybe, just maybe, this is what healing looks like.

I’d like to be the first to say, effort is becoming a new love language and chalant is becoming the new green flag.

Research shows 63% of men still feel pressure to be financial providers, even though only 6% of women expect that, instead prioritizing emotional availability and respect for needs. How might this collective reframing of “provider” roles shape the way people define their dating goals moving forward?

This collective reframing of “provider” isn’t just a change in roles; it’s a return to wholeness. For generations, men were taught to love through labor, providing financially while suppressing their own emotional needs and often overlooking the emotional needs of their partners in the process.

Now, we’re witnessing a powerful shift. As fewer people expect traditional provider roles, more are seeking something deeper: emotional attunement, mutual care, and consistent communication. This shift changes the foundation of dating. When we release scripts, dating becomes less about what we perform or provide and more about how we relate. It moves from one person being a giver and the other a receiver, to all people involved being a combination of both giver and receiver. It becomes less about proving worth through what we can provide materially and more about showing up to relationships honestly, co-creating emotional safety.

Redefining provision means recognizing that showing up emotionally is a form of care. That being present, vulnerable, and attentive is just as vital as any paycheck. And that love, in its truest form, was never about what you could offer to be chosen. It was always about choosing to allow yourself to be loved as your whole self while inviting others to do the same.

Hinge’s survey found that effort is now more desirable than wealth, with 72% of women valuing consistency and planning. Do you think this signals a broader cultural rejection of “bare minimum dating” — and how might that reshape people’s expectations going into cuffing season?

Yes, this signals more than just a seasonal shift. People are over the bare minimum. They’re done with being in relationships that feel like negotiations instead of nourishment. Their desire for change isn’t about wanting “more” in a performative way; it’s about finally acknowledging that effort—real effort—isn’t optional. It’s the foundation of a quality relationship. When daters say they value planning and consistency over wealth, they’re saying: “I don’t want to be impressed because you’re impressive as you are, what I actually want is to be considered and treated with care.”

This shift isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about emotional follow-through. Texts that turn into dates. Intentions that turn into actions. Energy that feels steady and not performative, energy you can rely on over time.

As we enter cuffing season, expectations aren’t just being raised, they’re being reclaimed. People want to feel emotionally held, not just romantically pursued. They’re asking: Can you show up with care, or are you just showing up when it’s convenient? This is how the dating landscape is changing: not with big grand gestures or higher incomes, but with a quiet refusal to settle for anything that feels half-hearted.

Many singles say they want to be more intentional about dating, but they also worry about scaring someone off by being “too serious too soon.” What advice would you give to daters who want to be clear about their goals while still keeping things light and open?

You don’t have to choose between being clear and being kind. There’s a way to name what you want that feels more like an opening than a line in the sand. When someone says, “I don’t want to be too serious too soon,” I hear the heart underneath: “I don’t want to lose the moment by asking too much of it.” But what if being intentional wasn’t about asking for more… just asking with care?

You can let someone know where you are without rushing where it’s going. Something as simple as, “I’m really enjoying getting to know you, and I tend to feel best when we can be open about what we’re both looking for,” can create spaciousness without pressure.

Intentional doesn’t have to mean intense. Serious doesn’t have to mean heavy. Saying what you hope for doesn’t make you too much; it makes you real. So here’s an invitation from me: let your clarity come wrapped in warmth. Let it be soft. Let it be curious. And trust that the right people won’t flinch when you speak from the heart. They will lean in because your truth sounds like “come closer” to the right people.

I love this last line!

Intentional doesn’t have to mean intense. Serious doesn’t have to mean heavy. Saying what you hope for doesn’t make you too much; it makes you real.

Yes! Can we welcome more of THAT this season? Or, like, every season, forever? I’m all for us leaning into dating with intentionality, clarity, softness, and realness. Thats the key to dating, friends. That’s the key to finding and keeping true connection.

Thanks for being here!

Love, Brie

P.S. I’m curious: are you more ‘chalant’ or ‘all in’ this cuffing season? Leave a comment, or hit reply and share your experience — I read every single response.

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This week’s Dating Dispatch is a little bit of everything: the weird, the wonderful, and the “oh, same” moments of modern dating.

This month I wrote about the rise in therapy speak in dating, women in their 50s fully reclaiming their sexual confidence, and how fertility can sneak into dating after 40. There’s also reality TV drama (ageism, anyone?) and a reminder that being emotionally available might just be the sexiest thing of all (hi Benny Blanco!).

Read below!

📱🧠 Therapy Speak & Texting: Are We Overthinking Our Messages?

Are we reading way too much into every “hey” or “lol”? This HuffPost article dives into how therapy language is sneaking into our texts—and making dating a lot more complicated than it needs to be.

💃🔥 Women in Their 50s Reclaim Sexual Empowerment

Forget “awakening”—this is full-on reclamation. Women in their 50s are owning their desire, rewriting the rules, and proving sexiness doesn’t expire.

⏳❤️ Fertility & Dating After 40: The Unspoken Dynamics

Kids or no kids, your fertility shapes the dating game in your 40s. This piece spills how biological clocks and societal pressures sneak into every swipe, chat, and first date.

🎬💔 Golden Bachelor Mel Owens & Ageism on Reality TV

Mel Owens said he wouldn’t date a woman over 60… until the producers had other ideas. Lesson learned: ageism is alive, well, and still dramatic on reality TV.

💌✨ Secure Attachment Is the New Sexy

Benny Blanco is here to tell us that emotional availability is hotter than abs. His relationship with Selena Gomez proves: being present and secure is the ultimate turn on.

hope you enjoy the reads! Let me know what’s your favourite topic/article in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.

Thanks for being here!

Love, Brie xoxo

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From the joys of slow-burn romance to the pitfalls of texting addiction, and even why summer flings in your 40s can actually be the best, I’ve covered a lot of ground this month. Here’s a roundup of my latest explorations in modern love.

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🧠 Slow-Burn Dating: The New Romance Trend

I love a slow burn. These days, everyone’s racing to “commit” after three texts and a TikTok duet, but slow-burn dating is the antidote. Experts say building emotional intimacy first can lead to more meaningful, lasting relationships. Honestly, it’s kind of refreshing to be reminded that romance doesn’t have to feel like a sprint.
🔗 Read it here

📱 Texting and Dopamine: Why You Can’t Stop Responding

Raise your hand if you’ve ever spent an hour staring at your phone, wondering why they haven’t replied. Yep, guilty. Experts explain that texting can hijack your dopamine, making us addicted to the ping and the thrill of a reply. The fix? Boundaries, people. Mindful communication is the new sexy.
🔗 Read it here

🌞 Summer Flings in Your 40s: Why They’re Actually Great

Listen, summer flings after 40 are a whole vibe. You know what you want, you can say what you want, and nobody’s judging. Experts recommend honesty, clear boundaries, and mutual respect—basically, adulting for your heart. And, sex. Lots of sex.
🔗 Read it here

🌈 Dating as a Late-Blooming Lesbian Over 40

For late-blooming lesbians, entering the dating world after 40 is a mix of exhilarating and exhausting. But also? Totally worth it. Experts highlight self-discovery, supportive communities, and embracing the thrill of new love—even if it’s messy at first.
🔗 Read it here

🧹 Women and Emotional Labour: Stop Doing It All

Mankeeping is real, friends. Women often shoulder emotional labour in relationships AND in the dating stage (guilty!), and it’s exhausting. Experts recommend speaking up, setting boundaries, and sharing responsibilities. The takeaway? Stop doing it all, and stop apologizing for wanting equality in your love life.
🔗 Read it here

I hope you enjoy the reads! Let me know what’s your favourite topic/article in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.

Thanks for being here!

Love, Brie xoxo

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This month, I’ve been deep in the trenches: writing about dating in perimenopause, what it means to be single by choice over 40, how to craft a solid dating app bio without talking about your age, and why Canadians are getting approached by American singles looking to escape… well, a lot.

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Also in the mix? How healthy couples “lose” fights — and why that might be more important than winning them.

Here’s what I’ve been working on — and what’s been getting people talking.

Here’s the July roundup:

💫 'I'm single by choice at 42': For some women, prioritizing yourself can be beautiful, joyful — and full without a partner

Being single isn’t some in-between phase — it can be a deeply intentional, expansive choice. In this piece, I reflect on what choosing yourself actually looks and feels like, and interview Arlene Dickinson and Lucy Meggeson, a couple of amazing women over 45+ who are single and thriving.

🔥 Dating in perimenopause can be challenging — these are the conversations no one preps you for

Hot flashes, hormonal shifts, libido rollercoasters — and yet we're still out here trying to flirt. This one dives into the realities of dating during perimenopause, and why we need to talk about it more.

💍 Marriage vs. companionship: How to know what you want — and how to communicate that, according to a dating coach

More people are opting out of traditional marriage — not because they're cynical, but because they want something different. This piece explores what it means to want closeness and companionship without the contract, especially if you’re over 40 and/or been married, and just not ready to do it again.

✨ 2025 is the year of being real when dating — people in their 40s and 50s are already ahead of the curve

Forget filters and dating personas. Emotional transparency is in — and midlife daters have been leading that movement long before it was trending.

🧨 You Can Blame Trump For This Chaotic Dating Trend

Yes, really. With the U.S. feeling increasingly divided, some American singles are turning to Canadians for romance, peace of mind, and better healthcare. I spoke with an immigration lawyer, a matchmaker, and real people about what it's like to be courted across borders — and across belief systems (because Canada is a different country!)

💡 8 Best Dating App Profile Prompts For Singles Over 40 That Aren’t About Age — And Biggest Mistakes To Avoid

You’re not "too old" for apps — you're just too smart for vague bios. This one is packed with expert-backed ideas for showing your personality (without making it all about age), plus common profile mistakes to avoid. Ideal for anyone swiping with self-respect.

⚡ How Healthy Couples 'Lose' Fights — And What They Do Afterward

You don't have to "win" every argument. In fact, the healthiest couples know how to lose — with compassion, curiosity, and repair. I spoke with therapists about what real post-conflict growth looks like, even when tensions run high.

Love, dating, and what it means to be in relationship to one another is constantly shifting and evolving — and I’ll keep writing through the chaos.

If one of these stories resonated, feel free to hit reply and tell me why. Got a dating question or weird trend you want me to write about? Hit reply. And if you loved this roundup, forward it to a friend who deserves better matches (or better conflict resolution). Or share this with a friend who’s also navigating love (or ghosting, or hormone shifts, or political dating trauma).

More dating dispatches soon.

Thanks for being here!

Love, Brie xoxo

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Instead of clinging to fixed identities or trying to fit themselves into perfectly defined boxes, younger daters are embracing a more fluid, intuitive approach to connection — one that prioritizes vibe, not just labels.

To dig into what this all means (and what it can teach us), I spoke with Moe Ari Brown, LMFT (he/they), a licensed therapist and one of the experts featured in the D.A.T.E. report. We talked about “label fatigue,” the pressure to perform gender, and what happens when we choose curiosity over certainty — in dating and in ourselves.

Their insights? Honest, affirming, and such a necessary reminder that connection is a felt experience. Not a checklist.

Let’s get into it.

What does “label fatigue” mean to you, and why do you think so many daters—especially queer-identifying folks—are feeling it now?

For me, “label fatigue” speaks to a deep exhaustion with the constant pressure to define ourselves and our attractions within rigid, often binary, categories. It’s that feeling of being boxed in, of having to fit your ever-evolving self into just one thing to help someone else’s understanding of who you are.

Hinge’s D.A.T.E. (Data, Advice, Trends, and Expertise) Report shows 28% of LGBTQIA+ daters, and 48% of queer-identifying daters, are experiencing this. But why now? I think it’s a combination of factors. We’re living in an unprecedented time of visibility and vocabulary about identity, which is beautiful, and it also means there’s more pressure to “perform” or articulate who you are. For queer folks who have historically had to fight for the right to define ourselves, there’s an added layer of exhaustion. While labels are great to find community and clarity, sometimes those labels can feel like limitations, or they don’t capture the fluidity of our experiences. Labels can be a great starting point, but they can never tell the whole story of who we are and who we’re drawn to, and I think Gen Z is really starting to demonstrate this.

Labels can offer clarity, but they can also create pressure. How can someone know when a label is helping them feel seen versus when it’s boxing them in?

That’s a crucial distinction, and it really comes down to how a label makes you feel internally. A label serves you when it brings you feelings of recognition, relief, and belonging. If it helps you articulate a part of your truth or connects you with others who share similar experiences, a label can be valuable.

However, as some Hinge daters expressed, a label is boxing you in when it feels constrictive. You’ll notice when you start to “perform” that label for others, rather than existing within it. If you find yourself shape-shifting, censoring parts of yourself, or feeling pressure to act a certain way to “prove” your identity, that’s a sign the label is no longer serving your authentic self. Hinge’s D.A.T.E. Report really highlights this, finding that 50% of LGBTQIA+ Hinge daters have felt the need to present as more masc or femme to attract someone, with nearly 1 in 3 regretting it. Your internal compass is your best guide here. If a label feels like a burden, or if it prevents you from exploring new attractions or expressions, it might be time to hold it more loosely or even let it go.

Half of LGBTQIA+ daters in the survey said they felt the need to present as more masc or femme to attract someone. What does this tell us about how gender performance still shows up in dating — even in queer spaces?

It reveals even in queer spaces, which are often seen as havens from heteronormative pressures, the expectation of traditional gender roles still persists. It speaks to what we call the “Prove It Pressure,” the unconscious (or sometimes very conscious) feeling that we need to fit into a recognizable archetype to be desirable or understood.

This statistic shows us that we’re still navigating a dating landscape where people often look for familiar “types” or slot others into preconceived notions of gender expression. It’s a reminder that unlearning these scripts is an ongoing process. My hope is that as we embrace label-fluidity, we can dismantle those performative pressures and create spaces where everyone feels safe to show up as their full, multifaceted selves.

Nearly 1 in 3 people later regretted not staying true to themselves on a date. How can someone gently course-correct in real time when they notice they’re shape-shifting to be liked?

Regret is powerful data. It’s information about the fact that we seek connections for our most authentic selves. When you notice yourself shape-shifting, the first step is self-awareness without judgment. Observe what you’re changing about yourself in that instance. Then, ask yourself what your truth is. What do you actually want to feel or say? Addressing this shape-shifting could be as subtle as shifting your body language, changing the topic of conversation to something you’re passionate about, or expressing a different opinion than what you first offered. This change doesn’t need a grand announcement, just a subtle recalibration.

One of my core frameworks is Emotional Fluency, which is about recognizing, regulating, and relating through emotion. This applies here. In the moment, can you identify the feeling driving the shape-shifting behaviors? Maybe you’re anxious or desiring approval. Acknowledge the driving feelings and then choose to express a more authentic part of yourself, even if it feels more vulnerable. The right person will be drawn to your realness, not your performance.

So many people reported unexpected attraction outside their “usual type,” but didn’t act on it. What internal scripts do you think get in the way of curiosity turning into connection?

This is a huge one, and the D.A.T.E. Report shows the gap: 45% of LGBTQIA+ daters considered dating outside their usual type, but 55% didn’t act on it. Our internal scripts that often get in the way are rooted in fear and self-doubt.

First, there’s the idea of the “type” script itself. We’re conditioned to believe we have a fixed “type,” and deviating from it feels like breaking an unspoken rule. This leads to overthinking, which is a major barrier. Then there’s the fear of social judgment. As the report notes, 50% doubted their own feelings, 34% hesitated due to unfamiliarity with queer dating and 25% feared rejection. These are powerful internal scripts, and they keep us in our comfort zones, even if those zones are limiting our potential for connections. My advice is to flip the “what if”s into “why not”s. See if you can’t remove some of your own barriers one flipped-script at a time.

If someone is questioning their typical preferences or feeling drawn to people they never expected — where should they start when it comes to exploring those feelings?

🧡 This is where it gets even deeper — from unlearning gender scripts to embracing unexpected attraction and finding your truth in dating.

✨ If you're a paid subscriber, keep reading below. If not, now’s the perfect time to join us — it’s only $6/month and helps keep Love, Brie thriving.

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A new survey of 2,000, conducted by digital companion platform Joi AI shows a link between dating app use and a decline in mental health — things like hopelessness, anxiety, and low self-esteem are becoming far too common.

It reveals the extent of the mental health strain caused by modern dating platforms: as such, more than half (51%) said dating apps have made them question their self-worth.

Nearly 7 in 10 report that their conversations rarely – or never – turn into real dates, and as a result, 64% say the experience leaves them feeling hopeless about ever finding love.

It’s not just frustration – it’s a catalyst for anxiety, depression, and deep emotional distress. And that’s not okay. Our mental health should never be a casualty of looking for love.

Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, licensed relationship therapist at Joi AI, says that dating apps are triggering a cycle of anxiety, rejection, and emotional isolation: “Dating apps can make some people feel bad about themselves, which lowers their self-confidence. Some people have social anxiety, so it's difficult for them to put themselves out there. This can turn into a constant cycle of rejection and feeling invisible where they are constantly reaching out, and not many are reaching back.”

“The dopamine hit that people get from a match is not happening nearly as much as it used to, and for some, it’s nonexistent. That silence and the lack of feedback people experience aren’t as harmless as some may think. It stings and, over time, can make people feel unloveable, unworthy, and deeply alone. We’re seeing more and more singles internalizing these experiences in some pretty damaging ways. Dating apps promised connection, but for a lot of people, they’re doing the exact opposite, making them feel more depressed and emotionally disconnected than ever," she explains.

So I spoke with Bronstein about this very thing: why dating apps can leave us feeling so depleted, the subtle warning signs to watch for, and most importantly, how we can shift our mindset so dating (yes, even dating on apps!) feels empowering, not soul-sucking.

Because the truth is: dating should add to our lives — not make us question our worth.

Let’s talk about it. 💛

What is it about dating apps that can make people question their self-worth, and why do you think this is becoming so common?

When someone goes on the dating apps, they put themselves in a vulnerable position. You're saying, "Here I am – am I good enough?" And when there's no match, no response, or constant rejection, it's easy to start internalizing that as something wrong with you; it's unhealthy. The more time one spends on negative thoughts on dating apps, the bigger the problem gets. They're basing their confidence and self-esteem on how strangers respond or don't respond to them, which is detrimental to their mental health.

With nearly 70% of conversations never leading to real-life dates, what kind of emotional toll does this cycle of digital rejection and ghosting take on users?

Many conversations back and forth on the apps never lead to real dates, which can wear people down. You start hopeful, putting effort into conversations, only to be ghosted or left hanging repeatedly. That kind of letdown creates a cycle of disappointment, and over time, it can chip away at your self-worth and make you question whether it even makes sense to try anymore.

Why do dating apps—designed to connect people—so often leave users feeling more isolated, anxious, or hopeless about love?

The problem is that it's easy to match with people but hard to connect deeply. Apps give us access to many individuals, but few meaningful connections come from them. You swipe, you chat, and then it just fades out repeatedly. After a while, dating can feel like you're just playing a game instead of building something real. And when nothing comes out of it, that emptiness hits. Sometimes, you feel lonelier than before you even started. The world is in a mental health crisis, and this certainly doesn't make matters better.

How much of this mental strain is tied to how we present ourselves online, and the constant need to feel “chosen” or validated by strangers?

It puts a lot of pressure on people, more than most people are equipped to deal with. They curate these highlight-reel versions of themselves, hoping they'll be "enough" to get picked, but it's exhausting. When validation comes from strangers, not from within, you chase "likes" and matches instead of real connections. That can seriously mess with people's sense of self-worth.

What warning signs should people look out for that their dating life is beginning to negatively affect their mental health?
When dating apps stop feeling fun and start making you feel anxious or depressed, that's a clear sign that something is off. If you're dreading opening the app, stressing over replies, or feeling like your mood depends on who texts back and who doesn't – it might be time to take a break. And if questions about your self-worth keep popping up after being online, that's your cue to take a real hiatus.

What can individuals do to protect their mental well-being while using dating apps—and are there healthier ways to approach modern dating?

People need to set boundaries and learn to cultivate more self-love and self-respect, and not wait too long before taking a break if they find it unhealthy to be on the apps. Those early signals that you need a pause matter, so listen to your inner compass; it will never steer you wrong. Dating isn't a full-time job and shouldn't feel like one. Try not to tie your self-worth to an algorithm. And most importantly, date with the mindset that you're looking for someone who adds to your life, not someone who defines it. The slight shift in perspective makes a big difference.

Love that line: “Date with the mindset that you're looking for someone who adds to your life, not someone who defines it.”

That right there is going to help your dating life, I SWEAR MY LIFE ON IT.

So tell me:

And let me know in the comments: What’s been your biggest emotional challenge when using dating apps — and how do you take care of your mental health while dating?

Leave a comment

I’ll go first…honestly, it’s staying positive that the right person will connect with me, and that I don’t have to try SO HARD. My go-to is do much of the heavy, emotional labour lifting, and let me tell ya, your girl is over that. So it’s really about me remaining true to myself and my boundaries, while also remaining open to possibilities…whether that means finding love online, offline, or somewhere in between.

Thanks for being here!

Love, Brie xoxo

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Even if nothing happens beyond the lusting and fantasizing from afar, I think having a crush is one of the greatest daily perks in life like buying yourself a $7 coffee or treating yourself to a bouquet of flowers on your way home from work. Having a crush not only romanticizes life, but could potentially also make your life more romantic. I mean, isn’t “crushing” on someone the first stage in relationships?

You know the feeling. We get those amazing butterflies whenever we see or hear from them. We begin imagining what it would like to hang out with them, kiss them, smell them…We just adore everything about them! I love that feeling!

Which is why I personally love the new loud crushing trend. Gone are the days of playing it cool, or pointing out your new match’s cringe moments on the group chat. The newest trend is saying loudly and proudly how much you like your crush — whether to their face and/or to your friends and family. I AM HERE FOR THIS.

I’m one of those people who needs to tell my crush…I have a crush. I can’t NOT let them know. It, ironically, crushes me if I can’t declare my feelings to the object of affection. I find it my human right: they are entitled to know I am crushing on them, and I am entitled to telling them I have a crush.

Is it easy? Heavens no! It’s anxiety-inducing and nerve-wrecking, and often it takes me many weeks or months to inform my crush that I am indeed crushing on them. Does it always go my way? No. But here’s the thing — I’ve never regretted telling a crush that I was into them. And, friends, there have been a lot of crushes who’ve rejected me. LOL.

From the senior in high school who said, “Oh, um, thanks?” when I revealed I sent him an anonymous candy-gram despite never speaking two words to him — because I was only 15! To my camp crush whom I expressed my feelings after we returned home…to which he never replied.

Was it humbling and disappointing? YES. But I was proud of myself for doing it. I owned what I wanted. I stayed true to myself.

Of course it wasn’t all rejection.

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Like when I invited my (now ex) future-boyfriend to my place to watch a movie back when I was 22. We ended up hooking up and going out! Eureka!

And even with the guy I’m seeing now. I straight up told him I liked him and wanted to continue seeing him. No guessing, no games.

(This goes back to what I was talking about earlier this week…GOING ALL IN ON INTIMACY AND CONNECTION).

Yes, it’s hard to put my feelings on the line, but I’ve come to know that’s what makes life worth living! As my friend Stu says to me whenever I’m debating something in my love life, we need to change some lives! And sometimes that means telling your crush that you’re crushing! Who knows? It could turn into the most romantic love story, or a funny story/life lesson you tell to your friends. Either way, I think you win. Because you always win when you remain true to expressing your heart’s desires!

So are you ready to embrace loud crushing?

I talked to Katie Dissanayake, dating coach and founder of After (the unapologetically romantic, anti-ghosting dating app), to share her expert advice for embracing love boldly this year.

What is loud crushing? What are some examples?

Loud crushing is exactly what it sounds like—letting the world know you’re into someone and you’re not afraid to show it! It’s the idea of openly sharing what you like about them instead of playing it cool. For example, it could be gushing to your friends about the cute thing your date said or posting a story about the flowers they surprised you with. It’s all about focusing on the positives and letting the world know you’re feeling those butterflies.

Why is this is a good thing? Why do you think people have made the switch from venting to loud crushing?

Loud crushing is a total mindset shift - it’s about focusing on what’s fun and cute instead of constantly nitpicking or trying to find red flags. I think people are just tired of the negativity that’s dominated dating for so long. Venting can seem fun at first but it can turn dating into a drag. Loud crushing feels refreshing and hopeful! Because let’s be real, it’s a lot more fun to gush over someone’s sweet texts than complain about the one-word replies from that person you swiped on last week.

There’s a reason “manifest” was word of the year in 2024 - people are realizing the energy you put out is what you get back. Highlighting the positive and talking about it more can only bring better things into your orbit. If someone’s not a fit or a bad date, just send them a quick text and move on to avoid simmering in that negativity.

Do you think if we loud crush about someone...we're most likely to view them in a positive light that would ultimately help the relationship?

Absolutely! When you focus on someone’s positive traits, it not only strengthens your feelings for them but also creates a more optimistic dynamic in the relationship. Loud crushing helps you see your partner or crush in the best possible light, which can build trust, admiration, and a deeper connection. Plus, when you’re hyping them up, even just in your head, it’s easier to appreciate them for who they are rather than nitpicking over small things.

Always making your conversations with friends about the red flags can put you on high alert and find problems where there aren’t any. This doesn’t mean you should ignore those gut feelings, which can be extremely helpful and important! But making space for positivity and having fun gushing about the good stuff will help you give people the chance they deserve. And it’ll also help your friends remember dating can be fun!

Loud crushing is often reserved for talking to your friends about your crush...but what's your advice on sharing your feelings about your crush to your actual crush? How do we start opening up that way, especially when we first begin dating?

I get it—opening up can feel nerve-wracking, but it can also be so rewarding! Start with baby steps. Compliments are a great way to test the waters. Something like, “I love how passionate you are about ___,” or “I always have so much fun when I’m with you.” It’s casual but meaningful. Once you’ve got that momentum, it gets easier to share more. Maybe you pick up something you know they’ve been needing or a sweet treat just because. And, if they’re into you too, chances are they’ll find your openness super refreshing and charming.

Why is it now 'cool' to be clear with how we feel about someone as opposed to ghosting? what changed? why are we embracing that honesty and vulnerability more?

I think we’ve collectively hit a point where we’re tired of the emotional games and confusion that come with trends like ghosting. Vulnerability is being reframed as a strength rather than a weakness, and that’s a huge cultural shift. People are starting to value directness and clarity because it saves time, builds stronger connections, and feels so much better than second-guessing someone’s feelings. Social media and dating trends have made us more comfortable being open about our feelings. Plus, being clear with someone is way less stressful than trying to craft the perfect “cool and detached” text.

I also think there’s so much uncertainty in the world already, many are looking to get back to basics and find some stability in their lives.

For those who are still anxious about being vulnerable, what's your advice?

First of all, you’re not alone, vulnerability can feel scary for everyone! Start small. Compliment a friend, or tell someone you appreciate them without expecting anything in return. The more you flex that muscle, the less intimidating it feels. Also, remind yourself that vulnerability is a gift. It’s how you build real connections. Sure, there’s a risk involved, but if you get rejected? That’s just a sign to move on to someone who can match your energy. Be brave! It’s worth it.

Getting a journal can help get you started so that you can embrace that positivity in private before you’re ready to scream it to the world.

I’m also a big believer in mantras – which we incorporated into After on a daily basis. When you get home from a bad date, before jumping to the group chat to vent, perhaps consider repeating something like “every no brings me closer to a yes that matters.” This can help you start shifting your own perspective and bring a sense of calm to your dating life.

Do you think/hope loud crushing is here to stay?

I definitely think so! It’s such a healthier, calmer way to approach dating. Who wouldn’t want more of that? Loud crushing is more than a trend - it’s a reminder to celebrate the little joys in dating and relationships. Loud crushing reflects a broader cultural shift toward celebrating positivity and transparency in relationships. Once people see how much joy and connection it brings into their lives, I don’t think they’ll want to go back to the days of playing it cool or focusing on the negatives.

It also creates a ripple effect that’s hard to stop. If all your friends are speaking of dating more positively, it’ll make you feel empowered to do so too.

How I Practice Loud Crushing in Real Life

I’m such a big believer in having crushes, and being loud and proud about them that I couldn’t resist sharing my own ideas! Here are a few ways I’ve leaned into showing affection boldly, and why I think you should too.

1. Tell your crush you like them (yes, really).

As I mentioned above, I’ve told old my crushes I liked them. In fact, not many I haven’t! Whether it was sending them an anonymous candy-gram or just inviting them over to watch a movie, I let my feelings be known because…why not? Being direct can feel scary — and it was! — but it’s also the clearest way to connect as well as get your answer as to whether this is going to remain a fantasy or turn into reality. And sometimes? It works.

2. Joke and tease with affection.

Playfulness is how I flirt. Teasing someone in a kind, clever way shows attention and interest. If they’re into it, they’ll tease you right back—and that dynamic builds intimacy faster than pretending to be “chill.”

3. Give real compliments.

I’ve told guys they looked hot, that I liked how they planned a date, or that they made me feel seen. It’s open praise, and I think that kind of emotional generosity is what makes dating feel good again.

4. Make the first move (even casually).

Want to get to know your crush better? Invite them for a walk, coffee, a round of tennis. It’s a gentle way to say: I want more time with you. That’s loud crushing in action, and it beats waiting for them to make a move. Because if they don’t know you like them…then they might never make a move, and then you’re both stuck. So someone’s gotta budge! Why not you?

5. Don’t be scared to connect.

At the end of the day, loud crushing is about emotional bravery. Playing it cool is over. Being open, warm, and clear about your interest isn’t desperate—it’s attractive. So let the closeness of connection be louder than your unspoken desires. Embrace it!

At the end of the day…I think life is too short to keep your feelings to yourself. I think remaining true to yourself and focusing on the good feelings will always bring you to where you need to be. Maybe it won’t always work out with that particular crush, but I think the more we remain open to our feelings and we stay true to what makes us feel happy and good about someone, that energy will inevitably find its way back to us — and perhaps the right person who’s meant for you, too!

Thanks for being here!

Love, Brie xoxo

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Heck, if Lenny Kravitz can abstain from sex for years, then you know something’s shifting in the collective consciousness.

After decades of sexual exploration and casual hookups, many people are now consciously choosing to abstain from sex—and it’s not because they’re against it, but because many are choosing to prioritize mental well-being, personal growth, and future relationships. This shift toward celibacy is happening, and it’s what some are calling, the Celibacy Shift.

A recent study by the dating app Flure surveyed 2,000 adults and found that 59% of people have either tried or seriously considered celibacy in 2025. Nearly half of them are choosing abstinence to focus on their personal goals and self-improvement. And here’s something that stood out to me: 70% of participants believe that a happy and healthy relationship doesn’t necessarily require physical intimacy. And over 80% said their social circles were supportive or neutral about their decision to embrace celibacy, which shows that the stigma around celibacy is really starting to fade.

Last year, a survey from the Kinsey Institute found that 16.5 % of women described themselves as "single by choice" and reported that they are not sexually active right now, whereas 9% of men said the same. These figures suggest that voluntary celibacy is indeed fairly common, with some of the reasons being wanting to spend time on personal growth and development, self-empowerment, as well as dating fatigue and self-protection.

For me, celibacy has been part of my own journey. I’ve had months — and even years—where I’ve chosen not to engage in casual sex. I’ve been through phases where I thought physical intimacy would lead me to the emotional connection I was craving, but I realized I was trying to build relationships around sex when what I actually wanted was something much deeper. Now, I’m in a place where I see sex as just one part of intimacy. If I’m going to share that with someone, it has to be part of a connection that’s about more than just the physical.

Below is my interview with Leah Levi, a sexpert at Flure dating app about this new trend of celibacy. We talk about why so many people are choosing this path and dive into some really helpful advice for anyone who’s considering celibacy or struggling with it. She shares practical tips on how to approach a new date or match and how to communicate that you’re embracing celibacy—not as something to hide or be ashamed of, but as a choice that can lead to deeper, more fulfilling relationships.

Why are more people choosing celibacy? Who is choosing it more—women or men? And why?
More people today are choosing celibacy for different reasons: disappointment in dating culture, fatigue, wish to focus on themselves, spiritual reasons the list goes on. And let’s not forget that some people just don’t prioritize sex the way society expects. Many women feel dating is exhausting, with too many bad experiences, unwanted pressure, and a lack of emotional connection. For men, though, the reasons can be different: struggling with confidence, past heartbreak, or feeling disconnected from modern dating culture.

Celibacy has carried a lot of shame, especially when it seems like people are having more sex than you. Why is that? Has society’s perspective shifted?
Sex is everywhere whether you like it or not: it’s in the films, music, social media. The message that is projected onto us is clear: if you’re not having sex, something’s wrong with you. For a long time, celibacy was seen as a sign of failure, repression, or something forced by circumstance. But gladly, things are changing. More people see celibacy as a conscious choice, not a lack of options. The rise of self-care, mental health awareness, and intentional living has helped reframe it.

For people who are struggling with being celibate, what’s your advice?
As I said, we live in an overtly sexual society where abstinence from sex can be frowned upon, so it’s really hard being celibate. What I’d suggest is to remind yourself why you chose this path because staying connected to your reasons helps with not giving in. Avoid situations that make it harder: cut off people who don’t respect your decision and try to persuade you, for example. Choosing celibacy doesn’t mean you don’t crave intimacy, so you have to find other ways to experience closeness, like through deep conversations or meaningful friendships. And most importantly, be kind to yourself. Struggling doesn’t mean failure.

For those who are considering celibacy, what’s your advice to them?
Be clear on your why, without it, you won’t last long. Understand that celibacy isn’t about deprivation but intention. Think about what you want to gain from it and how it goes with your values. Set boundaries early on in dating or other social situations. Again, surround yourself only with people who respect your decision and keep others at a distance. And most importantly, don’t worry about how others see it — it’s not up to them to judge your decision.

How can we use celibacy as a tool for fostering other types of intimacy in relationships?
Celibacy forces you to explore intimacy beyond physical touch. It makes space for emotional depth, conversations that might not happen otherwise, and vulnerability without distractions. Sex often gives us a false sense of intimacy, so celibacy might be an option if you want to really get to know each other. Without sex as a focal point, relationships can become more about true compatibility.

Tips on telling your date or new match that you’re celibate? When should that come up?
My main advice is to be upfront, but don’t make it a headline. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but it’s good to mention it before things progress. A casual “Just so you know, I’m celibate” early on is enough to clear things up. If they react poorly, they aren't the right match to begin with.. The right person will respect it even if it’s not what they expected.

It’s clear that celibacy is becoming a bigger part of how people approach relationships, intimacy, and personal growth, and there’s no one right way to do it. It’s all about finding what works for you, and I hope this conversation gives you something to reflect on, whether you’re already on this journey or just curious about it.

I’m excited for you to reflect on this one! As always I’m curious to hear about your thoughts!

Thanks for being here!

Love, Brie xoxo

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A recent survey of 2,700 young Americans, found that nearly half of Gen Z women (46%) and over a third of Gen Z men (35%) say they wouldn’t date someone their mother doesn’t like.

That’s...a lot. And surprisingly higher than millennials, where only 32% of us care that much about Mom’s stamp of approval. Although maybe not that surprising considering most of us are well into our 30s and 40s when our mom’s opinion might not hold as much weight.

But what struck me even more was how this desire for maternal approval intersects with how much (or little) Gen Z is actually telling their moms. When it comes to intimate details, 28% of Gen Z women and 29% of Millennial women are likely to share with their moms, compared to just 13% of Gen Z men and 17% of Millennial men.

As someone who’s squarely a millennial — and someone who has written about my mother-daughter dynamic a lot (think Gilmore Girls meets Grey Gardens) — I found myself doing a double take with these stats.

Because if we’re talking about telling our moms everything? Well, I’ve been there. Literally. When I lost my virginity, I told my mom basically the next day. Her response? “It’s about time.”

So, yeah, we’re close. Maybe too close? At times, probably. But that closeness has also been one of the most grounding and healing parts of my life. She's my biggest confidant. My best friend. And I know that’s not everyone's experience, but it is mine — and I don’t take it for granted.

That said, I’ve also learned (a little late, perhaps) that boundaries are essential. Not because I’m hiding things (well, I actually, I have hidden a few dating situations from my mom 🙃), but typically it’s because I need space for myself. As I’ve grown up and matured, I’ve realized that not everything is meant to be shared. And honestly, that makes the things I do share with my mom feel even more intentional and meaningful.

Take for instance, the new guy I’ve been seeing. Of course I told her about our first date (and yes, she asked). She’s curious — but respectful. She gives insight when it’s invited (and sometimes when it’s not), but it usually comes from a thoughtful place. Like the other day, when I was struggling with how to communicate that I want to talk more on the phone with the guy I’m seeing, she gently said: “Why don’t you just tell him how much you enjoy hearing his voice? That it makes you feel more connected?” Honestly? Great advice. I didn’t even ask for it, but I appreciated it.

Still, I’ve definitely dated someone (or a few people) my mom disapproved of. And that was hard. Really hard. It caused a momentary rift in our relationship and the tension between us was pretty thiiiiiick. But I did it anyway. And I’m glad I did. Because I needed to have those relationships (or, who am I kidding, situationships) for me. I needed to make those mistakes, to learn those lessons on my own.

Also? I needed to do something that my mom didn’t approve of. I think that’s so important. I think we need to be a little rebellious sometimes, especially when we’re younger, and that’s not to be contrarian for the sake of being a contrarian but because I think it’s crucial to make autonomous decisions for ourselves. And sometimes that means doing something, or dating someone, that your mom (or dad) doesn’t like. I think that helps us better understand ourselves. It helps us develop a trust muscle with our own intuition and discernment. We learn how to listen to who we are without the noise of outside opinions or expectations. We learn that we don’t need approval for living our lives in the way we want to live them.

But back to Gen Z. The study says 67% of Gen Z women (and 59% of millennial women) are likely to share the details of a first date with their moms. So while Gen Z may care more about Mom’s opinion, we millennials might actually be more open in terms of what we’re sharing. Which is interesting, right? Because if your mom doesn’t have the full picture of who you’re dating, how accurate can her judgment really be?

And while we love to talk about love, not everyone is asking for advice: 31% of Gen Z and 35% of millennials don’t seek their mom’s guidance on dating. That tracks for me. I don’t really ask for advice either, but since I share certain things, my mom will naturally offer her thoughts and opinions (Aries moms, am I right?) More often than not, they’re thoughtful and helpful — even if I’m too stubborn to admit it right away.

Interestingly, 57% of Gen Z women and 49% of Gen Z men say generational differences affect how much they share with their moms. And only one in three young people believe their mothers fully understand modern dating. That’s fair. I mean, online dating, ghosting, situationships, soft launches — none of this existed when our moms were dating. But still — a lot of us listen to our moms anyway.

In fact, 70% of Gen Z women and 66% of Gen Z men say they follow their mother’s relationship advice at least sometimes. And it’s about the same for millennials, too (50% of women and 60% of men).

Even more telling? 36% of Gen Z women and 28% of millennial women said they *wish* their moms shared more about their own dating experiences. Personally, my mom hasn’t shared too much about her dating life, and I’ll respect that here. But what she has shared about her upbringing — and the experiences that shaped her — has helped me make sense of myself. And as we’ve both done our own healing, it’s brought us closer — and helped me better understand why I’ve chosen the people I have dated. I think that’s one of the most underrated gifts of a strong mother-daughter relationship: clarity.

I know my mom and I have an unconventional relationship, but I’m grateful for that. For the closeness. For the honesty. For the support. For the fact that I can talk to my mom about my dating life, and I know she’ll listen, hold space, and give me her psychic insights (because yes, she’s weirdly intuitive like that). But I also know that at the end of the day, the decisions I make are mine. And she trusts that.

She told me something recently that stuck with me: that once you’re in a relationship, that’s your family. That’s your unit. And a parent’s job is not to interfere, but to respect it — unless something is clearly toxic or harmful. And I thought: yes. That’s love. That’s support. That’s HEALTHY.

So this Mother’s Day, I’m raising a metaphorical glass to my mom — and to every mom out there trying to walk that fine line between support and independence. Whether you're Gen Z, millennial, or somewhere in between, here’s to trusting ourselves, loving boldly, and maybe still talking to our moms about our dating life... just not everything.

Thanks for being here!

Love, Brie xoxo

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In fact, I think I’ve had crushes on fictional characters for most of my life. But if I had to name my biggest? No contest — it was Fox Mulder.

I was obsessed.

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So much so that I used to write X-Files fan fiction religiously when I was in high school, in which, conveniently, Dana Scully was always on vacation, leaving a certain FBI trainee (who looked a lot like me) to be Mulder’s new partner. Of course that meant getting very, very close…and doing some things that could be mistaken for the XXX-Files…

Was it a little bit of erotica? Sure. But it was also because I was completely into him. (And if you’re reading this, David Duchovny, I still might be!)

And I know I’m not alone when it comes to crushing on fictional characters. For example, millions of women were devastated by the shocking death of Mark Darcy in the latest Bridget Jones film, flooding TikTok with tearjerking tributes to the ultimate romantic ideal.

So why do we form such deep emotional connections with fictional characters?

According to Leah Levi, psychologist and relationship expert at the safety-first dating app, Flure, this phenomenon—often called fictosexuality—is on the rise.

As dating prospects feel increasingly bleak (one in four adults now say they may stay single for life), fictional love interests are becoming more appealing than ever. Which, let’s be honest, is kind of depressing.

Sure, having a crush on a fictional character can be fun, but what does it mean for the future of dating? Do these idealized romances make real-life partners seem disappointing? Levi says that’s a valid concern. Fictional characters are carefully crafted to embody the most attractive qualities—deep understanding, unwavering passion, grand romantic gestures.

The problem? Real people are rarely that perfect. As a result, some of us may find ourselves ghosting or giving up on dates early because they don’t live up to the Mark Darcy or Fox Mulder in our heads.

And it’s not just dating that’s affected. This kind of escapism—whether through books, movies, or TikTok's endless stream of romantic edits—can also impact friendships and family bonds. When fictional worlds become our primary source of emotional connection, it can create a safety zone that keeps us from putting ourselves out there in real life.

That’s why I wanted to talk to Levi—to understand why we fall so hard for fictional characters, how it’s shaping modern dating, and most importantly, how we can balance our fantasies with real-life relationships.

@lucyannmoore20oh colin #bridgetjones #markdarcy

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Why do people develop romantic or emotional attachments to fictional characters?

I believe it is because TV or book characters create a safe space in which to explore emotions without the real-life risks of rejection. They tend to be more idealized, consistent, and emotionally available than real people are. So, when you spend hours involved in a book, it's easy to fall in love, even with a fictional character.

Are there common traits or archetypes that make certain fictional characters, like Mark Darcy, particularly attractive to people?

Yes, we can clearly see these archetypes in films and books. For example, characters like Mark Darcy represent the classic romantic archetype of the brooding but secretly soft-hearted protector. People are drawn to qualities like emotional depth and a hint of mystery. Honestly, it’s not so much about the looks but how these characters make readers or viewers feel seen and valued

How does falling for fictional characters impact real-life relationships? Can it set unrealistic expectations or create emotional barriers?

I believe both can be true in this case. On the one hand, it sets expectations, whereas real people are messier and less scripted. However, it can also highlight what someone actually wants in a mate, allowing them to see how a good relationship will appear for them. It's important to understand the line between life and fiction and not daydream about something you can't have in real life.

Could being attracted to a fictional character actually have psychological benefits, such as helping people healthily explore their desires?

I believe it can because it’s a low-stakes way to understand personal emotional needs or even sexuality. For some, fictional crushes offer comfort during loneliness or stress. Again, my point is that as long as it doesn’t replace real-life intimacy, it can be a healthy outlet for self-discovery.

At what point does an attachment to a fictional character become unhealthy? How can someone find a balance between fantasy and real-life relationships and attraction?

It becomes unhealthy when it interferes with real-life relationships you might have. For example, you might be avoiding relationships or feeling emotionally stuck. The real balance here is knowing that fiction can improve your life in some ways but should never replace it. When you emphasize people around you and spend time with them, you will detach from fictional stories and relationships because you are fulfilled with what you have here and now.

Do these attachments and attraction stem from something deeper, like unfulfilled needs or desires?

Yes, sometimes, it’s exactly like that. Fictional characters can fill emotional gaps like the need for validation or safety. They give a safer, one-sided version of intimacy without real-world complications. It especially rings true for people who feel unseen or unsatisfied in their current relationships or maybe can’t get into one for whatever reason.

How has the rise of social media, fan culture, and BookTok influenced fictosexuality?

It has certainly made it more visible and socially accepted. Niche communities on TikTok and the BookTok itself normalize and even celebrate it and make it a fun, shared experience for everyone in the fandom. The sense of community and acceptance are the most important and wholesome consequences of fictosexuality, in my opinion.

If someone is leaning towards more fictosexuality than in-person sexuality in their life, what do you recommend they do?

I’d say take a moment to ask yourself why. Is it because it feels safer? Less complicated? Maybe past experiences or social anxiety make real connections feel overwhelming? There’s nothing wrong with enjoying fiction, but if it starts replacing real-world relationships completely, it might be time to ease back into social interactions -- grabbing coffee, having dinner with friends. Just little steps to get comfortable around people again. And if it feels like a deeper issue, it might be worth analyzing the underlying reasons and considering support and talking to a therapist.

So what do you think about fictosexuality? Is it a fun form of escapism, or a telling sign of our current dating culture and the lack of hope — and choices — we think we have? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Personally, Fox Mulder can do all sorts of crazy, foxy things to me in my mind…but, at the end of the day, I want all those things done to me — and more — in a real-life romance.

Thanks for being here, and remember — the truth is out there!

Love, Brie xoxo

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Well, I think he was a millionaire. I mean, I knew he was a “trust fund baby,” (the Millennial version of nepo baby) so that was my first clue. I knew he was rich. He owned an apartment in Manhattan. He took me on a very expensive vacation to Paris and London. He always paid.

He was, I guess, a Mr. Big-type — except unlike Carrie, I wasn’t in love with him. I liked him. He was a friend who turned into a hookup who somehow turned into someone I was dating.

Anyway, my point is, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love the fact that he had money. It wasn’t why I dated him, but let’s be real — I liked that he paid for every dinner. I liked the fancy restaurants. I liked that he had a family apartment in Montmartre. I liked the status and the glamour. So sue me.

That was over ten years ago, and in today’s dating world, Gen Z might accuse me of throning.

Throning is a new dating term on the rise, and it involves flaunting a partner for their social status rather than valuing their true self. It’s essentially putting them “on a throne” to elevate your own image and gain validation through social media. (Note — did I post our photos from London and Paris? YOU BET I DID!)

Throning may not necessarily be a new concept as it is similar to gold digging or clout chasing, but it’s a sign of what’s happening in today’s dating culture. As we prioritize status and the “next best thing,” we might be overlooking what truly matters — forming a genuine connection — in favour of, well, fancy restaurants and Paris getaways.

Curious about this new, and somewhat disturbing dating trend, I asked Michelle Shahbazyan, a marriage & family life coach, and relationship expert, to help break down throning for us, as well to provide insight on how it's shifting our values, and the hidden cost of dating someone for status or potential.

What is throning?

Throning is the act of choosing a romantic partner primarily for their status, wealth, or social influence rather than genuine connection or compatibility. It is driven by the desire to gain prestige, financial security, or access to an exclusive lifestyle through the relationship. While it may provide material benefits, throning often leads to emotionally unfulfilling partnerships that lack depth, trust, and long-term stability.

When did we notice this as a dating trend, and what do you think helped spark it?

Throning as a concept has existed for centuries, dating back to arranged marriages among royalty and aristocracy, where unions were often formed for political power, financial gain, and social advancement rather than love. In modern times, this trend has evolved with the rise of celebrity culture, reality TV, and social media, which have amplified the allure of wealth and status in relationships. The digital age has further fueled throning by making high-status individuals more accessible and creating an environment where social validation and exclusivity are prized over genuine connection.

Why is throning detrimental to dating culture and how is it shifting our values?

Throning is detrimental to dating culture because it shifts the focus from emotional connection and shared values to status, wealth, and external validation, leading to relationships that lack depth and long-term fulfillment. This trend reinforces the idea that a partner’s worth is measured by material success rather than compatibility, trust, and mutual respect. As a result, it is reshaping societal values by prioritizing transactional relationships over authentic bonds, making it harder for people to form meaningful, lasting connections.

What are the hidden costs of dating someone for status or potential?

The hidden costs of dating someone for status or potential go beyond finances—these relationships often come with emotional emptiness, power imbalances, and a lack of genuine connection. When love is built on external factors like wealth or influence, trust and security are often fragile, leading to cycles of resentment, control, or emotional neglect. Over time, the cost may include wasted years in an unfulfilling partnership, increased anxiety about maintaining appearances, and even financial or legal complications if the relationship dissolves.

How can we shift our focus to embracing healthy loving relationships?

Shifting our focus to healthy, loving relationships starts with valuing emotional connection, shared values, and mutual respect over status or external validation. By prioritizing self-awareness and understanding what truly fulfills us in a partnership, we can seek relationships that bring joy, support, and long-term compatibility. Surrounding ourselves with people who model genuine, healthy relationships and practicing intentional dating can help us build connections rooted in authenticity and love rather than superficial gains.

How can healthy relationships survive in the current world that's obsessed with clout?

Healthy relationships thrive when both partners prioritize authenticity, trust, and emotional connection over external validation. While social media and certain subcultures may glorify clout and status, meaningful partnerships are built on shared values, open communication, and mutual support. By focusing on what truly matters—respect, compatibility, and long-term fulfillment—couples can create a strong foundation that remains unshaken by fleeting societal trends.

At the end of the day, don’t we want someone who we can build something real with? And, hey, maybe that does mean generational wealth! That’s okay! But wouldn’t you want to share that with someone who you genuinely like and connect with? I know I would!

Thinking back, I’m glad that it didn’t work out with Mr. Millionaire (he was way too obsessed with his expensive Miele dishwasher anyway) but I gotta admit — if you can get a guy to take you to Paris? Girl, I wouldn’t say no — as long as he’s safe and decent, you know? YOLO!

Thanks for being here!

Love, Brie xoxo

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A new poll from BetUS reveals that 1 in 4 couples admit that sports have led to a heated debate in their relationship at some point.

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The same poll found that 20% of American women have expressed frustration over time spent watching sports and 1 in 5 people in a relationship report feeling neglected by their partner during a sporting event (I guess it’s safe to say these women have no desire to be WAGS).

The betting site conducted a deep dive into relationship dynamics by polling over 1,000 couples about the wild impact sports have on their love lives. And despite what we might think about Taylor and Travis, it turns out sports aren’t exactly a love language.

Other results from the poll include:

• Nearly 2 in 5 Gen Z couples have argued with their significant other about sports, and 26% have even considered breaking up over disagreements sparked by sport

• Nearly 3 in 10 couples say they’re NOT willing to compromise on game time to keep the peace in their relationship.

• 28% percent of couples have gotten in fights over sports.

• 37% of couples don’t share each other’s interest in watching sports.

• And 16% of couples believed sports-watching habits contributed to their divorce.

However, not all love is lost on sports. Over 3 out of 5 couples bond over a shared love for sports, making game time a team effort in their relationships.

Although, let’s face it, from these numbers, sports seem like kind of a drag. Which is why BetUs created a what they call a “fun” College Basketball Championship Prenup, which they say is a “great tool” to ensure both partners feel heard and valued. The “playful agreement” is supposed to helps draft a game plan where both partners feel heard and valued during college basketball season — ensuring that neither the game nor the relationship gets sidelined.

Look, in all honesty, I’ve never had this issue before because, well, I don’t know if I dated someone long enough — or who was fanatic enough about sports — to even consider this a problem. The closest I came was with my ex and his obsession with rock climbing, and truthfully, I knew that was a dealbreaker for me. I knew I could never compete with the thrill of a perfect send.

I’m all for loving what you love, and I get that watching sports is a big way — especially for men — to bond and actually express their pent up emotions (you know, by yelling at the TV). But if I’m out here fighting with a guy because he’s spending so much time watching sports that he’s neglecting me? That’s ridiculous. This shouldn’t even be a debate. What’s the female equivalent — me binge-watching Nobody Wants This and ignoring him for an entire weekend? I don’t get it. Can I say it? It seems dumb.

The “prenup” is supposed to be a fun agreement to set boundaries and make sure both feel people feel heard and valued during March Madness. Sure, I guess that’s a step in the right direction. It’s all about compromise and communication, which are the building blocks of a solid relationship. Love that. But also…have we really gotten that fanatical about sports that we need a contract to keep our relationships intact?

At this point, with this data, I’m starting to wonder — sports are supposed to be a fun distraction, but have they become so consuming that they’re actually damaging how we spend our time? Like, if a couple is constantly fighting about sports, or one person is straight-up neglecting their partner just to watch a game, maybe the issue isn’t really sports. If people are out here saying, “Yeah, my marriage ended partly due to my sports obsession” — that’s not about game day, that’s about something something deeper. And, also, that’s sad.

Anyway. I’m curious to hear your thoughts.

Do you like watching sports with your partner? Have you dated someone who was so obsessed with sports that it turned into a major ick? Did you break up with someone over sports? Or, on the other hand, do you think sports watching is a turn on?

Let me know in the comments! And thanks for being here!

Love, Brie xoxo

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You’re not alone. The first Sunday in January is known as Dating Sunday, the busiest day for online dating worldwide.

On Tinder, the number of DMs increases by 22% on Dating Sunday, and between now and Valentine’s Day (aka New Year, New Boo Season), there are 58.7 million more Likes compared to the rest of the year.

Hinge has similar stats: a 27% increase in likes and a 29% spike in messages on Dating Sunday 2023, especially during peak hours of 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.

So why is this Sunday considered the Super Bowl of dating?

Well, the holidays are over, reality sets in, and after a stretch of introspection — or answering way too many questions about your love life from relatives — it’s easy to feel like today is the perfect ‘why not?’ moment before life picks up again.

But before you jump back on the apps, let me stop you for a second. Not because dating apps don’t work — I’ve been chatting with someone I met on Bumble over the holidays — but because it’s worth understanding why you’re swiping.

Feeling like a third wheel or being exhausted by your mom’s constant “Why are you still single?” questions isn’t a good enough reason. Your why for using a dating app needs to come from you.

Dating apps are tools, not shortcuts. They won’t fix your dating life, heal your insecurities, or magically solve the loneliness that hits this time of year. And when we use them out of desperation or distraction, it’s easy to overlook that there’s an actual human being on the other side of that profile — someone with thoughts, dreams, and feelings.

I get it; it doesn’t always feel that way. Staring at sunburnt, shirtless beach photos (bonus points for group shots where you have to play detective) while swapping banter about taco joints can make it feel like a game, not a connection. But unless you’re ready to put your heart into this — and take on the responsibility of someone else’s — maybe hold off on swiping right.

Here’s the thing: this time of year often sucks for single people. We’re lonely. We want to feel good. And honestly, those are some of the worst — albeit most common — reasons to hop back on the apps. It’s not just physical connection we crave; it’s intimacy, vulnerability, and the feeling of being truly seen. But instead of being honest about that, we sometimes force fleeting encounters into something more meaningful. That’s why Dating Sunday can feel weird — not because of the swiping itself, but because we act like it’s all we need to take care of our hearts.

Spoiler alert: it’s not.

Taking care of your heart looks more like understanding yourself, releasing baggage, following your passions, and surrounding yourself with good people. Apps are just one of many ways to connect, and they’re not always the best choice.

So, before you jump into Dating Sunday, ask yourself: What am I hoping for? Connection, adventure, or just distraction? If you’re ready to meet someone, go for it. If not, it’s okay to skip it.

There’s no right way to date, just what feels right for you. And if the idea of participating in the busiest dating day of the year feels like too much, don’t worry — you’re allowed to sit this one out.

In fact, I would recommend it.

Dating Sunday — and dating apps, for that matter — will still be around. But honouring yourself and your needs will always be, and should always be, more important than following the crowd.

This year let’s be more intentional with our choices when it comes to our hearts.

They’re worth it.

Thanks for being here!

Love, Brie xoxo

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I’ve been writing about cuffing season for a long time! Can you believe it was introduced into the popular vernacular way back in 2011(!) on Urban Dictionary? Do people even visit that site anymore?

Anyway, Urban Dictionary defines cuffing season as the time when, “people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be ‘cuffed’ or tied down by a serious relationship.”

Hey! Those Hallmark movies make us all feel feels, right? Who doesn’t want to kiss someone underneath the mistletoe during this time of year?

Well, actually, Gen Z women, for starters.

Yuzu, the new social app for the Asian community, surveyed its users to uncover emerging trends among Gen Z. Challenging traditional expectations, the surve…

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Additionally, Google searches for ‘how to break up over text’ have gone up by +256% and ‘how to break up with your girlfriend’ are up +126% around this time of year.

I guess two weeks before Christmas is enough time to clear your conscience. Hey! There’s a lot of Grinches out there, right?

Flirtini’s findings reveal that nearly three-quarters of daters have had a relationship end during the holiday season.

The top culprits: the pressure to invite a partner to holiday gatherings (50.6%), feeling rushed to commit (45.9%), and the anxiety of gift-giving (40.4%).

Wait, are people seriously breaking up over the anxiety of GIFT GIVING?

What I see here is a failure to communicate…

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